wazika.net

You know stuff is happening when there are big spaces in time between blog posts.  Usually it’s because something stressful happened and then you recover, and then it’s been so long you don’t know where to begin and then blah blah blah.  I don’t want that to happen here. I feel like there is a ton of things I want to write about but I have been hindered by this illnesses.

Despite being sick the entire the time that the girls have been sick, it went and upped itself a notch yesterday. I couldn’t believe it. Not only that, but something is up with Athena and she is one heck of a crabby baby.  She does have a chest full of gunk and her coughing sounds painful, but she would also just shout and cry.  Last night she was doing just this when Tim finally said “Does she need some tylenol?”  I replied “Sure.”  Twenty minutes later she was asleep and stayed that way though the night, though she was cuddled next to me in the morning so I am not entirely sure when she made it back into my bed. Maybe for the early 4:00 feeding…or maybe I never put her back in the cosleeper because I was really tired and sad about being sick.  Whatever.  I gave her two more doses of tylenol throughout the day when she seemed to be ultra cranky again.  The first time she feel asleep almost immediately at the 20 minute mark, while I was holding her. The second time mid way through the afternoon after her long nap.   It’s just so un-Athena like behaviour. She is also really pissed when Morella comes anywhere near her.  Though, she has good reasons for that. I think I’ll ask to have her ears looked at tomorrow for her flu booster shot.  It seems like the kind of lingering illness that could foster a first ear infection.

Morella has turned into a little beast. She is feeling better from the great illness and has started to eat a bit more, not be as snot nosed (more like a trickle now instead of a raging river) – though she is doing some serious 2 year old behaviour.  Everything is MINE.  Anytime I ask her to do something she slows down dramatically and looks at me with “I dare you to do something about it” to running away in the opposite direction, to suddenly remember a thousand other tasks, and randomly throwing fits about things unrelated to the appointed task — such as “Come here and put your shoes on.”   Fine.  I can deal with that. What I do not like dealing with, and I know this is just the beginning… is how naughty she is being to Athena.   It just seems … deliberate.  She pushes her over. She hug/chokes her. Today she got a time out for banging a box on her head hard (that she has just ripped out of Athena’s chubby little grasp). The kicker is that when she gets Athena to cry she starts to tease her! “Uhnnn uhnn uhnnn” she’ll repeat along with Athena.  I swear, two year olds are the meanest kid ever.  And the sweetest. Like the other day she woke up and came running into the room with two toys for Athena to play with – a bunny puppet and a teether.   She even let Athena play with them once she gave them to her.  But for the most part these past two days, Morella is not very nice when in close quarters to the baby.  I think Athena knows it because she starts to cry as soon as Morella comes near her.  That said, I do think that Athena is also just sick and not feeling herself.

Yesterday I felt like a trapped bear.  Pacing the house with a evil plotting kid and a clingy baby. Looking outside at yet another grey overcast day. Kids still too sick to take into public without getting judging stares.  Tim finally told me to go outside because it was 50 degrees. I didn’t believe it,  but I was willing to take the risk of going through the whole effort of getting everyone ready if only to leave the house for five minutes.  It was glorious. It was so warm I got away with wearing just a hoodie and down vest.  No hat. No gloves. We walked Pluto, dropped him off and then I walked over to my friend Ann’s house.  We stopped on the way at the park and swung for 10 minutes (Morella laughed the entire time at Athena –  I have some great pictures), then dawdled while Morella walked and looked at the ducks and water next to the bike path, and even the part where I had to double back 1/2 way to find my keys that Athena chucked, wasn’t that bad.  It was so nice to go out and be out.  We didn’t get home until 7:00, and had gone out for decaf coffee and snacks.

I think maybe Morella is suffering from cabin fever too. Today it rained out the entire time …and you know, I am sick and Athena is off, so we didn’t leave the house again. I didn’t even anyone dressed and let them get as covered with whatever they got into.  Morella got to play with paints all day (her favorite color is purple!), and she took a massive nap…and we played alot while Athena took and early long nap. In fact, they took staggered naps, so I was able to spend quality time with each of them which probably made the day bearable (unlike this past weekend…wait  can I say that if it’s Thursday night?)

I am totally rambling now. It’s okay. I need to ramble.  How else am I going to get through this dark winter? What am I going to look back on to read and think “Ahh those were the days!”  I sure as heck don’t have time to write anything meaningful in my paper journals. Might as well do it here when I am more dedicated.    I think my point is, I really, truly am now understanding the meaning behind “the terrible twos.”   Toss in being stuck in the house for two weeks and sick and it’s a ticking time bomb!

Moving on. I have other things I want to note.

I got a package in the mail yesterday. It was from my Uncle Chuck (my mother’s brother…and hey only living aunt/uncle I have left).  It was a long 10 page letter and …. records of my mother’s side of the family going back four generations! It included scanned pictures of my grandmother (died when my Mom was 21), family members, birth certificates, marriage certificates, and real school pictures of my Mom and photos my Mom had sent her father/brother.  As Chuck said “I don’t want you to think I don’t care, I just know i am getting old and if something happens to me anything can happen to these.”  I completely understand.   I called my Mom to tell her of this great treasure that landed on my door step and she said “You are the only like that. You are sentimental.”

Now, I don’t think it’s being sentimental. I think it’s like finding a deeper understanding of who these people are, these people that I am related to or was related to.  On first glance through it’s amazing how much Morella looks like her great-grandmother, especially the eyes. I’ll have to borrow my friends scanner so I can share some of this awesome stuff.  I also noticed how much my older brother Shane looks like my Mom’s eldest brother Larry (deceased).  I just thought “That is where Shane got those looks from.” I always thought he looked different then the rest of us Red Eagle kids. Sure I have the lightest complexion and hair, but feature wise I take after the Red Eagles.

Mom is right though. I do have almost every letter ever sent to me since I was 16.  What can I say? I love documentary, especially my own life since I have easy access to it.   I think what keeps me going is the one day that I can sit down ad look through it all. Read every letter and remember it all. I look forward to doing that with the girls when they are older.

The other bit is Pluto. It’s not looking good for him. He has a swollen prostrate, and the primary guess from the Vet is that he has prostrate cancer.  He has no swollen lymph nodes, no blood in his urine, his blood samples looked great, and he didn’t flinch when she examined him like many dogs do because if there was an infection, it would hurt.  Our current plan of action is to give him antibiotics for 2 weeks, along with pain medication, go for frequent walks, start giving him wet dog food mixed with his kibble to get him to eat more and get a urine sample. After two weeks he goes back in to see where things stand and possibly get an ultrasound referral to confirm prostrate cancer. The outlook is not good for this and the best we can do is to just help make him more comfortable.  Tonight he has his first episode of incontinence in our house (on the couch). He had a little episode two weeks ago at a friends house who was watching him, but we had chalked it up to him being excited go outside with two other dogs.   That is when we all first started to suspect something was going on. It’s happening so fast.   I guess our main method of coping is to do our best to help Pluto right now and not think too far beyond the now.

On that note, I am going to take the cold medicine that I can take (sadly it is not nyquil) because of Neeners and go to bed. Or try too.  Last night I went to bed early at 11 and didn’t get to sleep until 1:00 because of all the shouting, snoring, sleeping walking and not being able to breath through my nose denial.

I feel traumatized.  I got Athena a nuby sippy cup (her second actually, the first was accidentally left at her grandparents last weekend).  She seems to be able to drink out of it, and shows interest to do so. I thought I would give her a treat and thawed one of the two breastmilk containers I had frozen to practice on.  She had three sips but wasn’t showing the enthusiasm she had before…so I tasted it and nearly threw up. It was so bitter and disgusting.  I ran to the sink to spit it and rinse my mouth. My poor baby!! How could such a mean mother as myself make her drink THREE sips of that crap?! My god. Now I know what they mean by lipase. That is awful, awful stuff. 

The kids have been sick since Wednesday night. Each day we think that was the worst of it, and then the next day comes.  How long can this last?  Ugh, don’t answer that.  I was pretty depressed about it this weekend. Being cooped up in side all week and then the weekend with two inconsolable, stuffed up, coughing bundles of ill. Tim was pretty mellow about the whole thing and even managed to do progress on deep cleaning the house and moving my blog over to wordpress.  He even made a crab and cheddar biscuit dinner on Saturday night!  What an awesome husband.

Wait I think they might both be napping right now…holy cow.

—hours later —

I got them to sleep while the mother’s helper was here. I went to Walgreens to buy some makeup and infant motrin, but they were out … then to the neighborhood drive through coffee joint for a decaf soy mocha to drink while I grocery shopped. We really needed to do that for awhile and it showed to the tune of $168!! I think my record high is 198$.   But you know I had to get things like coffee, olive oil, infant motrin (that right there is $20) as well as stock up on canned items.  I put my new make up on in the car before going in and I look awesome! It’s that mabeline age eraser/rewind liquid foundation. There was a sample of it in the last Redbook so I was able to find my perfect shade (a problem that has prevented me from buying any before) and it doesn’t feel cakey at all..it’s so light I can’t even tell I have it on.  I think this is going to be the first foundation I will ever wear.  It’s these two kids under 3 that starting to age me…either that or you know the fact that I am 34.

Plus I need the little things to help me feel like I am doing things for *me*.

Have I mentioned that I am on a two week “sweetatorium”?  I made that word up.  It means I am not eating sweets for two weeks. I wanted to see if I could do it. I did have a small piece of birthday cake on Saturday, but that was it. It was a special occasion and I had ONE piece. I brought some back to the sickies and was super proud that I did not even sample Morella’s as it laid there on the coffee table all afternoon.  It’s hard though. I didn’t realize how much I stress eat sweets until this week, and just how addicted I am.   ON the other hand it’s hard to do the things they suggest “Take a walk for you” instead or “Indulge in a hot shower or long steamy bath.”  Or “Mediate for 10 minutes” or “write in your journal until you fill four pages.”

I would fucking LOVE to do any of those suggestions and if I did have the time to do them, I probably wouldn’t be stressed.  It’s the two, very needy sick kids thing.

But really, I feel much better now having left the house for two hours to do something as mundane as grocery shop.  I mean it. I feel like a new woman.  It also helps that I have been back now for 20 minutes and am able to write this post while the groceries sit in the living room and children still slumber. They both needed a long nap something fierce.

Pluto however is not doing well.  Tim thought about taking him to the emergency vet yesterday and called. They said that if he has a temp between 100 -102, has wet pink gums and isn’t labored panting then to try and hold off until our appointment on Tuesday.  His biggest symptom right now is that he can’t pee or poop very well, particularly pee. The last three days he will go outside and strain for up to 30 minutes just getting out little squirts.  Then he will pant and want to go out again shortly thereafter. When he isn’t trying to pee, he is sleeping. He isn’t eating or drinking well. He has very little walking endurance and seems kind of depressed.  At first we thought it was all neglect from the new baby being around, it being winter and hassle to take him for a walk, etc. But this is just too fast and too serious.  We called again today to see if we could get an earlier appointment then Tuesday but the best they could do was bump it up 5 hours.  Tim will take him in tomorrow and we’ll know more then.   Poor Pluto. The average life expectancy for greyhounds is between 10-14. I always thought he would make it to 12, he only just turned 10 at the end of February. Pluto has been a part of our Madison life since we moved here. We got him one month after we bought the house and moved in.  The thought of no Pluto warming the couch is a sad thought.

Kids are still sleeping. What else?

Oh  I can quick download Athena’s 7 month picture and work on that.

Well Tim managed to do. We are here. I feel a teeny bit nostalgic for Blogger, seeing as we go way back … but as they said ‘It’s not us, it’s you.”   And you know being the .5% that used ftp.    Anyway.  We are not sure how to get people to update their feed….hm. I hope that you can find me in my new and improved location. I’ll be working on the page in the upcoming weeks, however I don’t that really affects those of you that use the feed.  I know I never know when someone makes a change on their webpage unless I actually go to the webpage. Which does and can happen, just not that often.  I am excited about the possibilities.

Testing on Wordpress….checking for feed.

Moving…please be aware this maybe offline for a day or two, or three, or maybe even not at all. What will change is that my new URL will be www.wazika.net I will include a redirect, but you know you might want to update your info when that happens.

In other news, the kids and dog are sick. Everyone is miserable.

Sixteen days until this blog moves. I hope Tim can do it. I just reminded him of it now, even though I had given him a month and half of warning. I hope it’s painless.

I have a headache. I have had it all day and pain killers have only made it background noise instead of eliminating it altogether. I feel like I might be coming down with something, or maybe fighting something off? Hm. This past weekend we went to Tim’s parent’s house. Morella was super excited to spend time with her grandparents and was looking forward to it all weekend. An extra bonus was that Tim’s sister Sarah and her family was there so Morella got to play with her cousins all weekend. The drawback to that is that they were potential plague bearers…am I coming down with something? Time will tell I suppose.

Saturday morning I went downstairs to hear Tim and his Mom talking about me going to Appleton. I told them I had already looked into it and it was too long of a drive from Manitowoc and impratical. Tim told me that he would just borrow his Mom’s car and I could take our car and go visit my friend Sarah. I borrowed MIL’s GPS system and within two hours, Neeners and I were on our way for a Mommy and Baby adventure. I stopped in Stockbridge first for coffee, a snack, and a little post card writing while Athena played on a rug with some toys in front of a fireplace. Heaven!

After that I met up with Sarah, had a nice chat while Nick took his morning nap and Ruth flitted about doing typical toddler stuff (snack, dancing, TV, playing with the baby, crying) — really it’s amazing the range of emotions that young children go through in the span of an hour. Inwardly, I was glad to let someone else experience Morella’s range for a morning, while I got to spend quality time with Neeners. Afterwards we headed to Neenah to have lunch at The Mom and Pop Place, which was completley not what I expected. It was better than expectations and made me wonder why Madison doesn’t have such a place…in fact it made me wonder enough to see if it would be worth filling that niche.

Truth be told, I have often thought of opening a business, but I could never really figure out “what” to sell. Now I have a pretty good idea, but even entertaining the idea and researching it fills me a ton of emotions. I wish I could talk to someone who started their own business, and more importantly, talk to someone who did it with young children. Meanwhile, I guess I will keep working on letting the idea float around in my head. I kind of wish I knew someone who would be interested in exploring this option with me. Anyway. That is what I am currently consumed by.

After lunch, we went back to Sarah’s for a leisurely afternoon of quiet time before I headed back to the in laws for dinner. Athena howled for a bit before bedtime (I blame the mexican hot chocolate — and it’s dairy content) but once down stayed that way all night. The sucky thing about that was that I ended up going to bed at 8:30. I didn’t mean to, it just happened and when I woke up at 10:30 I found that everyone else had gone to bed too! I got a drink of water, took out my contacts, peeked into to see that Morella and Tim were sharing a bed for the moment (she switched back and forth from her toddler bed to the guest bed five times throughout the night) and then went back to bed myself.

Sunday we went to church, had a nice lunch with the gang and then went home. The girls for the most part slept the entire way and I had a brownie.

I am going to try and not eat any real sweets for two weeks. I probably ruined it today by having two sweet and salty granola bars and a small handful of chocolate covered raisins. I didn’t even realize what I had done until the end of the day. I think I am addicted! We’ll do better tomorrow.

Other tidbits from today.

—I thought of this one while nursing — stone babies or lithopedion — they are just so… tragic and weird and … sad. As soon as I got Athena down I went online to read more about them.

–We were watching Max and Ruby. Max was playing with his shadow by the fence when his neighbor looked up and over and said “Hello Max, are you playing with your shadow?”

Tim added “Says the creepy perv”
Morella then points to the TV and says “Da Da!”
I then started laughing for a good ten minutes.

—Athena woke up from her afternoon nap first and sat next to me and played for about a 40 minutes before becoming bored. I think this is the first time I actively noticed her being bored and wanting a different change of scene. Luckily by then, Morella was up. My baby’s brain is getting big!

–Athena said her first word today. “Da da!” Can they talk at 6 1/2 months? Can you have a first word then or is this a complete accident? Morella didn’t say anything understandable for a long time. Athena has also had a language explosion and has been constant-ing all over the place.

–Speaking of language explosion, Morella is now onto three or four word sentences. This is just astounding considering that three months ago she barely talked at all. Okay fine, she probably talked but nothing like this. Now we have real communication. Now we have “This is Weh Weh’s doll.” and “This is mine.” Though, sometimes she says it like “This is …. mine.” You can just hear the thought process in action. My other favorite is, “What’s that …. sound?”

– We have to watch our mouth though. I realized today I missed the March 1st deadline for discounted CSA for the new place we want to try and said “Oh Shit” out loud. From the bedroom getting her a diaper change repeated Morella “Oh shit.” Thankfully it didn’t seem to keep and was changed to “Oh Toots!” which Tim and I have now been saying with gusto.

Oh these kids, I love them so. But if I start a business will I damage them? How will they feel about spending a lot of time in place other than home? Where will they nap? I guess I could put a bed in the office area (if there is one)? Is having them at work with me doable? What would I do if they were sick? See, all of these questions make me feel like there must be a partner or someone else involved.

Ugh I am tired. I think this cold is kicking it up a notch. I hope I don’t get sick. Maybe if I go to bed at a decent hour, it will be gone by tomorrow. I did get a nap in today too, even it was only an hour.

oh yeah and AG … uh… I’ll work on it. Here are three more:

–I am grateful for eye sight technology and that I can see with my horrible vision with the aid of glasses and contacts.
–I am grateful that I can walk, dance, move, ride bike, carry my kids, etc thanks to the four inch steel plate in my back (though I wasn’t so grateful for that when I was in labor with Athena and denied an epidural).
–I am grateful for my vaccinations.

Wii Fit Quest Day 6 — Success via the Sun Prairie Target. I had called right after story time and she said she had several, but that they have a no hold policy. I quickly got everyone ready and headed over. I haven’t been to this one before so it was a pleasant surprise to enter a clean, large, everything in it’s place Target (our current target is undergoing changes). While I was getting the kids into the car Morella kept saying “Eat? Store eat? Weh Weh eat?” And she would nod. Weh weh is the best way I can think of how to spell how she says her name. I said sure, because thankfully Target’s have Starbucks and a cafe.

I got there and got me Wii Fit Plus! I noticed though that they had no Wii’s, so it’s a good thing I got mine yesterday at Best Buy. There were two after mine and as I checked out I mentioned that I had been calling every day. The check out clerk said he believed it and if people knew they had them now they would be out in minutes. Well, I am pretty sure they are out now because I know I was not the only one calling every day.

Anyway, so that is complete. It was much quicker than Tim though it would take. Since I was the one doing the calling I felt it was plenty long enough.

Attitude of Gratitude Day 6:

–Having lunch at Target with an adorable little girl dressed in red, charming the pants off the other Mom’s son (Justin, age 3 almost four in one month and is going to have a Clone party, he informed me). Athena was of course adorable.

–Athena sitting in and actually enjoying be carried forward facing in the Ergo carrier. That thing cost enough! Also, it was more comfortable to wear her that way and she felt way more stable. I should practice with her in it more often to get her ready for the spring and summer.

–The two hours I had to cuddle and play with Athena in bed while Morella was sleeping, and fat flakes of snow fell outside.

Okay, gonna play a little more Wii — it’s new so it’s fun.

I think I am fighting something off. My eyes feel like I’ve pulled an all nighter — all day. They felt a little better after my massive 2 1/2 hour nap that I took with the girls this afternoon, but it’s back now. I am also really tired…a bummer because ….

WII Fit Plus Quest #5

Shopko – Sorry Sir, we don’t, (You suck!)
Walmart Supercenter – We do not Ma’am. (thank you!)
Target East and Sunprairie – Unfortunately we do not. (almost verbatim)
Best Buy – We don’t have the Wii fit, but we did get a bunch of Wii’s in today and the fit follows pretty closely.

Hm.

I call Tim “Hey tim they have a bunch of Wii’s and say that it might come soon.
Tim replies “Maybe we should get the Wii while they have it.”
“What?” I ask “You mean the Wii Fit Plus doesn’t come with a Wii?”
“Uh no,” he answered. “It only comes with the game and board.”
“I thought a $100 bucks was kind of cheap for that!” I said. “Well, I should go and get a Wii since everyone seems to be out of that too.”
“Okay,” he said.

So, my friends. We have a Wii now. I went over to Sigrid’s to borrow Boomblocks this evening while Tim set it up.

AG#5

–Matt’s Meatloaf brownies
–Kathleen’s butterscotch oatmeal cookies
–Wii

Wii Fit Plus Quest Day 4:

Okay, so in short everyone said no, but here is the interesting thing. Walmart Supercenter had gotten in four an hour and a half after I had called. Yes, FOUR — and 20 Wii’s. All of which were sold out in a matter of hours. When I called Target they assured me that their deliveries come over night and are restocked then instead of the middle of the day— all willy nilly.

AG#5

–My friend Sigrid coming to visit for the afternoon and bringing Monty’s Blue Plate food.

–Getting a hot shower in with the door closed this morning.

–No fuss bedtimes.

I got some crocheting to do tonight and I don’t want to be up late. I went to bed at 1 last night, up at 6:30 … and I’m tired. Today’s bedtime is 11:00.