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Morella is currently sitting on the floor taking everything out of my purse and diaper bag (purse is tucked inside diaper bag) and tasting everything (kleenex, travel wipes …. but really it’s the kleenex that are a hit).

She woke up at 4.11 this morning. I got her some milk, she drank a bunch of it and instead of letting her stay up I put her back to her crib right away. She protested a little but feel asleep and then woke up again at 7.30. MUCH better! We were starting to think that she might make the 3:00AM milk hour a regular nightly thing.

Oh there she goes down the hall. If she goes into the bathroom, I do need to put my contacts in…oh there she goes..brb.

–Later- Hey I finally found the thank you list from Morella’s Norovirus party! Awesome. I can start writing thank yous before we start on Xmas cards. I am thinking I might just bite the bullet and buy some labels from office max or staples or something. My own personal supply has greatly been diminished over the past several years. It’s bound to happen when you don’t work in an office anymore.

IT’s starting to snow here. I am thinking that we are going to go out we should do it early. I know we need some things from the grocery store since Morella isn’t hip with pears and peaches right now. Sheesh. One day she loves it the next couple of days — not so much. She’s really into blueberries and raspberries right now, and yogurt.

I’m kind of sad that it’s the last day of Thanksgiving vacation right now. It was really nice having Tim home for long stretch of time. I am just starting to feel recovered from the month of heck.

Morella is in her room right now doing her morning quiet time. She isn’t being quiet. It’s alternating between talking and whining. She has been quite a challenge lately. I mean sickness aside, now that she is better she is still retaining some of that “everyone must be in the same room at the same time!” And “I want up!” and “I want down!” and “I’m hungry! But not for that!” and “The “________” scares me!” and “I’m tired!” with “No wait, I’m not tired!”

The pediatrician, and all the literature suggests that when they turn one they kind of go through a phase like this. I think since all of Morella’s previous phases have seemed so mild, I expected this to be much the same. But she’s taken that whole separation, uncertainty about everything to a whole new level. I am taking comfort in a few things though:

1. She’s not sick (that we know of)
2. She is eating and drinking.
3. She is going through a developmental growth spurt and will emerge smarter than ever in a few days/weeks.

In other news, Thanksgiving was pretty good. The food was excellent and Morella just gobbled up that turkey like no bodies business — once we got home! Sheesh. The mashed potatos were some of the best I’ve ever had. I was disappointed about not making a pie — but we remedied that last night. I made the crusts and Tim made the sweet potato filling (from scratch!!!, like boiling potatoes and everything), while I put up the Christmas tree, moved furniture around to accommodate it, put together a little tree for Morella and watched one of Tim’s favorite movies from his childhood streaming over xbox live — Flash Gordon.

It was a really nice night! So far I would say that this Thanksgiving weekend is going great. It’s just what I needed to rest and recharge after this crazy month.

I am going to make tacos for lunch. Tim is thawing the ground turkey right now.

—-hours later —

So much for that quiet time turning into a nap. Now we are trying again but after lunch. We had tacos she had a quesadilla she didn’t touch, blueberries and shredded cheese — oh and applesauce. Geez. Can a baby live on berries alone?! She is taking her nap now whether she likes it or not.

Oh I was also going to talk about how I went out shopping yesterday and it was great. I was by myself. I was admist the hordes of shoppers — sometimes being large crowds really soothes me. But only if I am by myself.

Tim just started up gears of war — it’s the perfect thing to do on a holiday weekend in the afternoon, don’t you think? More later. I have to download some pictures too.

I almost feel guilty for the last two hours of free time I have had. I washed dishes, did a few loads of laundry (still not put away though) swept the living room floor and rugs, caught up on the internet, wrote an email or two…and talked to Tim. Now I am hoping to squeeze in a quick post about Morella’s 12 month Well Check.

Weight: 16.3 — she is way off the charts.
Length: 28.5 -*- about 30% (consistent)

The good news is that she isn’t dehydrated. I don’t know how she does it, but she has managed to not become dehydrated … no wait I should take credit for that. (yoink). I asked if she was failing to thrive and she said no. That was more for undiagnosed reasons as to why a child isn’t gaining weight. We KNOW why Morella isn’t gaining weight — teething, mastoiditis, stomach flu… she just needs to get over all of this and be healthy for a while and she’ll start gaining again.

In the meantime, she did not get her 12 month shots, or follow up flu shot because she is not well enough for them. I am to try and get her to drink a 12oz can of pediasure a day by hook or by crook.

She has a follow up appointment next Friday. Her appointment for her followup Barium Swallow study is next Wednesday. Ugh doctors doctors doctors. oh and her follow up with the ENT is the following Tuesday. Poor kid. She has seen so many doctors.

So. I need to go to the grocery store at some point today. I was going to buy some eggs and sugar too so that I can make a pumpkin pie for the house. You know, Morella loves it and it’s high fat and … well it would be good to have our own homemade pie around the house.

I decided that we are going to just go to Tim’s parents for the day. He is going to make the call sometime today.

I am almost done with New Moon — I should order the next book soon. I wonder if I’ll have to wait 2.5 months again…oh wait, I bet it’s longer because of the movie that came out (Twilight is book one in the series). It has been really nice to have something to read. It’s a great way to focus on something other than pain (stomach flu) and relieve anxiety (Morella).

Tim and I watched a movie (Justice League: New Frontier) via Netflix last night on the xbox! It was cool. We also got Wall-E — so hurray for a big movie to watch over the holiday weekend!

I also misplaced the paper with all Morella’s gifts and who gave what. Ugh. I gotta clean the bedroom and find it STAT!

I know you are probably getting sick of it. Blah blah Morella. But really it’s pretty all consuming. And journal is really more for me than anything else.

Today was slightly better. She mostly wanted to be carried around. Whenever we put her down she stayed quite near me. The longest she spent by herself sitting was on the couch playing with tissue paper, or looking at books. For the most part, when she wasn’t sleeping, she was being carried around. She has circles under her eyes, and I think her skin feels softer to me — less supple. Whenever she did crawl she looked like she might be in pain. When I had the stomach bug I had pretty bad aches all over, especially in my legs so maybe that was it. Anyway. She wasn’t as listless. She laughed a few times and she ate more — more being a handful of cheerios, a whole saltine cracker, about 1/4 cup of noodles, about 10 yogurt melts and a few bites of applesauce. She did drink milk, breastmilk, and pedialyte — but only sips here and there. I really had to keep at her with that.

Tim stayed home today — but ended up working a lot from the work computer. It was nice to have a little help. I managed to do some laundry- wash all her toys and disinfect, and read. I should take a shower. Like really I should, but I don’t think that pizza is sitting to well with me.

I almost wonder if I shouldn’t cancel going to Tim’s parent’s for Thanksgiving since she isn’t herself and screwing up her schedule and surroundings would just make things more stressful for her. I guess we could try and make it for Thursday dinner and spend the afternoon there and then come home. Plus we haven’t found anyone to watch Pluto so yeah.

We took Morella to the doctor again today. She was just so … listless. For the most part she slumped her body to ours and rested her head on our shoulder. She took several naps — falling asleep on Tim once, and then taking a nap with me in the bedroom. She did drink about 13-14 oz in liquids (thank goodness) but ate only a handfull of corn puffs and 1/2 a saltine cracker.

The pediatrician, whom Tim said he liked better than the old one, said that the antibiotics she was on may have prolonged her illness. She said that we have the “cruise virus” and that it was on the news a few days ago. Meaning, that this terrible, terrible stomach flu we had is all over town! She said that Morella seemed to be on the mend, but noticed that her right ear was a little red inside. So she called the ENT and he said:

1. Extend her antibiotic dosage for another week.
2. It was mistake for her not to have a follow up with an ENT and he was going to talking to residents about poor protocol. They had told us to just have a follow up with the pediatrician.

You know, considering how rare her condition was, it would make sense that professionals would want to follow it up and make sure it was gone instead of passing the buck off. Hm.

3. Keep offering her as much liquids as possible. Preferably milk.

Which brings me to another depressing bit of news. My milk supply has crashed and burned…today I only pumped 11 ounces. We were going to start weaning her over to milk at about this time, but I had planned on doing it slowly to make sure there were no reactions and that she could tolerate it. But with my plummeting milk supply, and her tender tummy I don’t know if I am so willing to jump on that bandwagon, and yet…what can I do?

After the doctor she went to sleep at 6.30 and has been sleeping since then. Tim went to sleep at 7 and is still snoring. I decided to stay up and read New Moon in the office on the futon. Man, I really gotta put plastic on those windows in there. It’s cold! This is the first year that I haven’t put plastic on the windows by Thanksgiving. Sheesh. But to my credit, this past month has been kind of hard.

I mean. I feel almost like it’s too much. I want so much for Morella to just be a normal, healthy little girl. A girl who eats and drinks. A sweet gal who never had to deal with silent aspiration, severe reflux, mastoiditis, and stomach flu from hell. It’s taking it’s toll on me. I feel like I want to curl up into bed and just read or craft or watch movies until this all blows over. Find someway to detach my self from the situation so it’s more bearable.

That said, I did manage two pieces of pizza, and a piece of cake today. I haven’t eaten much else. I’m sure that could have something to do with the milk supply. To think, that even as little as a month ago I wondered how I would do this whole weaning thing, I thought about if I would delay it…and how I would go about lowering my supply. Now look, it’s not even a question. It’s happening.

Okay. I guess I am going to go and read a little more. I am not ready for bed yet. I guess I am just too wound up still, and also kind of waiting to see if Morella will wake up. I should go and check on her. She isn’t in a sleep sack, so I could make sure she is covered at the very least.

Sometimes I wish I just could turn sleep off and on. You know, budget it on my own. Like money or something.

It’s a sick house here. After a long night Tim decided to stay home today to recover. We all feel weak as kittens. I had a piece of cake this morning, but no other food has seemed very attractive to me.

Morella got up and drank 6 ounces of milk, and then another 2-3 ounces of gatorade, and then went back to sleep. Thank goodness she seems to be holding liquids down. Tim is snorning in the bedroom right now, and I am sitting on the futon bed reading about werewolves, vampires and teenagers. I did call my Mom and had a very depressing conversation and tried to change the subject matter several times. Finally, at the point where she was telling me what everyone thought of her drug regime and her going back to the time she lost control with my younger brother, I said “Gee Mom, you are a bucket of sunshine!”

It took her a few seconds for that meaning to sink in, and then she turned it back on herself. “OH I am sorry for being so depressing…blah blah blah” I HATE it whenever someone turns stuff back on themselves. You can’t just say “Hey lets quit talk about insanity…and talk about crafts” without her going “Oh, look at me…There I am talking about crazy things because I am so stupid, and nuts and blah blah blah.”

See?

Anyway. She said that they ate the Thanksgiving dinner from the food pantry yesterday and are planning on having pizza for the actual Thanksgiving dinner.

Morella’s 1st Birthday

In short — HORRIBLE! One of the worst days of my entire life.

It started with her waking at 3:00AM crying. Tim got her up, gave her a few nibles, she drank a little water and went back to sleep at 3.30 (This was after not eating anything on Saturday). I couldn’t go back to sleep though. I tossed and turned. Finally, I decided to go into the office and lay on the futon bed there and read until it passed. Except “it” became a terrible stomach bug.

It started with the runs…and then three hours later graduated to vomiting. Then it pretty much alternated all morning until 12.45 (my last puke…thank goodness for puke bowls and the foresight to ask for them). Morella’s party was to start at 2:00. There was a lot to be done, and I couldn’t stand for more than 30 seconds, not to mention I was having the worst stomach cramps ever — that rival contractions!

I called some friends of mine and tearfully asked them to come over and help. Thank goodness for good friends like Cecci and Christian. Then my Dad and Barb (stepmom) came super early. Ugh. I wasnt’ ready for them, but it worked out because Barb helped clean up the toys and straightne up Morella’s diaster of a room.

Morella was whiny all day, and spent much of it crying. She only wanted to be held by me or Tim. I was feeling well enough to sit on the couch and drink gatorade. The party went on. Poor Tim was run ragged.

However, she made out like a bandit — especially in clothes — but I am sure we can all agree that we would much prefer a healthy, feeling good Morella over anything else.

After everyone left, she took a short nap and got up crying. I picked up her up and paced and finally ended up back in the futon looking at books, signing Christmas songs and what not. She calmed down, would lay her head down for a few minutes at a time and lift it recharged. She worked on a sippy of breastmilk (we were worried because she dind’t eat or drink much today either). Later on, Tim came and laid on her other side next to the wall. We were doing great until she started projectile vomiting.

She was so scared by it, and though I saw that she was going to vomit for a third time, I picked her up and hugged her as it spewed all down my back and into a bucket of toys. I changed her. Changed myself. She played with a new toy for awhile and then I put her down. Tim went out and bought pedialyte, gatorade and immodium — because guess who has it now?

And let me assure you the world is ending.

No really. I was so sick and overwhelmed and tired today that I just cried (must like last night) about how I felt I couldn’t do it. Wasn’t there anyone that could help? I needed help! At the same time, Morella didn’t want help from anyone other than me or Tim. But at least I got some help with the house for the party, and it’s done now.

I have also still been up since 3:00 last night, and I have not eaten a single thing. I need to put her cake away so I can have a piece tomorrow and some pizza.

God I hope no one else gets sick. It was too late to cancel when this was dumped on us. I will feel forever regretful if anyone else gets it. Thankfully, Morella only wanted to be held by me or Tim for the most part. I know I handed her off to Sarah. Sarah — drink some orange juice!

I think I just want this month to end without any thing else going wrong.

But thank you to everyone who came. It was quite clear from the packed room, just how many good friends Morella, Tim and I have. We are truly blessed.

PS– I want a do over. I might just pretend another day this week is her birthday so I can shower her with attention and not feel like curling up to die.

Friday Photos: 3rd Week of November

Tim, Morella and Pluto on the couch.

Our friend from the Czech Republic Mike, and Morella.

Mike is having his own baby come January. Here he is getting a little practice.

Uff. Tired.

Morella went to bed at 7.30 no problem but woke up crying an hour later. She was off and on for about 30 minutes before I relented and got her. I gave her some pain medicine in case that was it (she was crabby/sensitive earlier) but as soon as I sat her down on my lap on the couch she was a very playful baby. But I kept it boring…and she played independently extremely well. I just put her down again after shutting down the house. I hope she sleeps. I thought I would just pop on real quick since I missed yesterday. I know I am out of the running for posting every day but I can sure make up for it by posting almost every day until the new year. Right? Right.

Pluto really misses Tim. He must be having fun because we have heard nary a word from him. It’s always “bad timing”. Being two hours in past is hard on schedules.

Oh I just realized the spell check got turned off on the computer somehow. Great if you see lots of misspellings blame it on Morella.

Today was okay. Got up at the ass crack of dawn to feed baby, play and then have her take a nap. I tried to take one but I got a bible thumper at the door who was VERY loud, and two phone calls. No one else stops by or calls any other time of the day except when I am trying to take a nap. GAH!

Then we had lunch over at Noah’s. His Mom and Dad made some killer, all from scratching using free range chicken broth even, chicken soup and warm cheese and bread. It was delicious and such a heavenly thing not have extra dishes to wash tonight. I washed dishes in record time! I had a bit of a second wind after she went down, and was going to get through pumping and then do some stuff…but that’s gone now. I didn’t even get a great pumping session in but am too tired to care and try and catch up. 20 minutes will have to do. My supply is so low right now. I hope she can transition to whole cow’s milk without a problem. *crosses fingers*

See you on the flip side.

What does it mean when old folks say “See you on/in the funny pages.” Do they mean obituaries? Comics? What?!? I’ve always wondered that.

Quickly now. Morella went down for her nap at 3.46PM. It’s not an hour and half past that and the naps seems to be around 2 hours these days. I went and ordered her cake this afternoon because she didn’t want to sleep earlier. They didn’t have any kitties or puppies and I was too arsed to bring in photograph of one. Besides that would look stupid. So I decided on a claymation horsie toy. It’s kind of like a dog.

I got butter cream and went with white. Personally I don’t like marble and I wasn’t sure if chocolate was the way to go for a first cake. Meh. Next year I can make her a chocolate cake.

I got a doctor’s appointment this morning at 10:45. I had to wake Morella up from her morning nap for the second day in a row (suck!) to make it. They swabbed my throat and after charging me $10 bucks said “It’s like a cold, except in your throat. Take some ibuprofen and suck on some lozenges.” Honestly the doctor seemed WAY more interested in Morella’s mastoiditis case from last week. I could almost feel him itching to examine her because it’s such a rare thing to happen nowadays. Sheesh. In fact, he said “But today we will pay attention to Mom.” Ha ha.

So I got some lozenges and a crap load of M and M’s to fill the Nuts glass ball dispenser. If you come over you can have some. I decided it was going to be our holiday candy.

Chuck, Sigrid and Laima are coming over for a squash soup dinner tonight. Laima is bringing bread, Sigrid the dessert … so it should be fun. I decided to make something easy that uses vegetables and I don’t recall if Chuck is still a vegetarian or not…better safe than sorry.

On Sunday we had our Czech friend Mike visit. We picked him up from the airport at 12ish and dropped him off at 7ish. It was a good visit. He helped me set up my camera to take pictures of tiny Christmas trees I was going to sell…or at least try to. Sigh. We’ll see how it goes. My mantra is “Do NOT get stressed out. Nothing is that important.” He gave us a book with cartons that are almost indecipherable — here is a review someone else did: homo digitalis by Rencin

He also left me with a delectable box of chocolate and Morella with a Mole puppet wearing a hat. I gave him a bunch of baby stuff because he is expecting their first child in early January.

What else did I do today? Not a whole lot. Ate lunch with the baby — not a huge fan of tuna fish sandwiches though she was a sport and tried it out several times. Played with the baby. Will get babies dinner ready soon…ugh…spaghetti I think again..geez, I don’t know what else. I need to think of a long list of things that kids like to eat. The soup isn’t going to be ready yet other wise I would just give that to her. Last night she has black beans and loved them!

Speaking of dinner, I need to go and check on things.