Right now she has hiccups. I don’t remember feeling the hiccups yesterday, but there was a time when she would have them 2 or 3 times a day. They are so rhythmic and strong, letting me know that there is a fully formed person inside there experiencing something as ordinary as hiccups.
Yet I still can’t fully wrap my head around the fact that I have had a real live person hanging out with me for the past ten months. I think I will wait to reflect the end of this episode of infertility until there is a baby in my arms and at home and living past a week…or something. I feel like if I try to imagine too much ahead of time that I am only setting myself up for disappointment. Hence, I have not talked to the baby other than in ways like “Hey Bacon Bit wake up!” Or “Hey Bacon Bit quit kicking me there!” I haven’t had a long heart to heart chat. For one, I feel ridiculous doing it.
Another thing I am looking forward too – is holding a baby as long as I want without feeling … guilty. I think often times people think I don’t want to hold their baby, and you know what? It’s true to an extent. I do want to hold the baby, but I don’t do it for very long. If you had met me 4 years ago that wouldn’t have been the case. But over the course of infertility, and when people know or even didn’t know…I was afraid that I might get a hungry look in my eyes that they would sense or could see and want their kid back. I didn’t want to appear to be jealous or envious or make anyone (including myself) uncomfortable. Now, I have never heard or read about any other infertile woman doing this — usually they will just avoid kids altogether or not have a problem with it at all. So maybe this was just me and my own curious combination of neurosis.
I think I felt most comfortable with kids when I was babysitting unsupervised — because then I could really relax and enjoy the time with the kid without feeling weirded out. I also enjoy time with slightly older kids because you can do more interaction with them just physical. Talk, play games…etc.
Overall, I felt I have had a great pregnancy experience. I would go as far as to categorize it as “easy.” Which I am grateful for. Easy doesn’t mean symptom free. It’s interesting that lately I feel less pregnant than I have the whole time. Maybe my hormones finally got used to everything? Or maybe I am just really used to feeling this way. A small check list of the things I did experience at one point or another:
Things I experienced:
-1st trimester morning insomnia (only lasted 2-3 weeks)
-headaches (thankfully it tapered off a lot)
-eventual clearing of acne (amazing!)
-constant thirst (lasted the longest)
-carpal tunnel (still have it)
-swelling (but not excessive, just enough to not wear rings or any other shoes than my keens).
-blurry vision with contacts (comes and goes)
-incredibly dark areolas
-maybe one mild case of heartburn
-touch of nesting
-rhinitis (possibly one or the more annoying ones)
-minimal stretch marks — I have a little 2 inch patch with maybe 3 or 4 stretch marks in it)
-increased bra size
-bad taste in mouth
-round ligament discomfort when exercising
-a round or two of moodiness — nothing excessive
Things I did not experience:
-massive discomfort at my size
-massive stretch marks
-high blood pressure
-sciatica nerve pain
-spotting or bleeding
-leaking of the breasts
-vomiting or bad morning sickness
-strong braxton hicks contractions
-popped belly button
-over all itchiness/rashes
-constant hormonal moodiness
-oh shit we are having a baby! moments…
One on hand today feels like any other day. I have energy. I feel fine (if a little crampy today) and I am working on weatherproofing the windows and cleaning the house. I was even thinking of baking some more stuff since we have a little room in the freezer now. I think overall my goal for today is to just go about it as normal. After work I will meet up with Tim and Oliver for an after work beer/kiddie cocktail (did I ever mention that I always thought it was “kitty cocktail”??), come home have some dinner…I don’t know what yet…and then probably play video games after watching Pushing Daisies and then go to bed. I thought about going to bed early but that just isn’t gonna happen.
Who know, I might start freaking out and getting super nervous between here and there…but if I keep myself busy I should be fine. Right?
Oh and this morning, Migo caught the mouse that has been lurking under the fridge! The three cats have been staking it out for the last three days and finally, today after strict orders from Tim for her to catch it…she did. I have pictures…we are so proud.