Hey Kellie, how long did you have these blues for? I am just wondering how long everyone has them.

They came out of the blue and seem to come around evening time. I am trying to do everything I can to combat them. Today was much better but I won’t lie when I say I got them again this afternoon. I get so emotional about everything. I guess it didn’t help that my Mom called after my afternoon nap (see, trying to sleep in the day when baby sleeps to gear up for the night time) and she was a total downer. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was having difficulty getting the baby to eat. She immediately said “What if she isn’t getting enough? YOu should go to a doctor – she might need IV.”

Thanks a lot Mom! I started crying and told her that was NOT what I needed to hear. She said she was sorry but she was just thinking and then continued to paint more worst case scenarios! Finally I changed the subject abruptly after telling her that Morella is getting enough wet diapers and even had a good poopy one today. See? I ended up reassuring her before listening to her litany of complaints and various medicines she is on and their side effects and all her doctor’s appointments.

After that was done I thought “What if Morella feels that way about me one day? What if she feels that way about me now?” Oy. I hope not.

Anyway. I guess it has been an okay enough day. Our first day at home without Daddy around to help. It was rather lonely not having him around — but I guess I’ll have to get used to it again. Morella breastfed exclusively without the shield on the right breast, but I still can’t latch her on the left breast. I am constantly afraid that she’ll not get it each time we try. Talk about trust issues. The first one this morning was for 13 minutes followed by lazy sucking with the shield on the left breast for about 30 minutes. The next time Morella nursed for a good 30 minutes! That’s awesome! But she wasn’t that interested in the left breast and was fussy. She was fussy for a long time come to think of it.

Anyway. Dinner is done. I made squash tonight because all I had to do was cut and gut it. I am not eating that great. Where is this stupid appetite I am supposed to have? find that I actually have a worse appetite than I did while pregnant. I have very little interest in food. Maybe it’s from the stress of adjusting. Or maybe we need more healthy snacky food around. We do need to go to the grocery store but with this weather I am not interested in driving there myself with the Bit to shop. For one, I just don’t know if I am up to it. Physically I am feeling much better today — I tend to feel better on the days when I am not as active. Each day is getting better in that regard.

There was something else I wanted to say. Oh yeah, there are hardly any pictures of me with the Bit so far! I’ll have to remedy that. I also want to print some out to send my Mom so she knows what she looks like. I just haven’t gotten around to the computer.

I am beginning to think my grand plans of a family holiday portrait aren’t gonna happen. :( It mean it’s already the 4th and I still don’t feel ready to leave the house. Maybe I should just stage something at home with our camera and Tim.

–Thanks Sarah. It was a blow out that was had climbed up and out of her diaper! She saves those massive poops for the lactation consultant. How long was a typical sucking breastfeeding session with Ruth in the beginning?

–Zoey, we are with you on the benefits of breastmilk versus formula. Morella hasn’t had formula in over a week now. In part in because she won’t drink from a bottle anyway. But mostly we want the cheap factor, the immunity, the easier to digest, less spit ups, less diarrhea/constipation factor. I think my biggest worry with her is that she doesn’t want to eat all the time. She seems to be working on a 4 hour time schedule which stresses me out with this stupid 2-3 hour bullshit. But when she does eat she’ll go at it for an hour. Sigh. I still have to pump though to help prevent a decreased milk supply because of the nipple shield usage. It is tiresome.

-Jess, thanks for the colic advice. I don’t think it’s colic (that seems like something I don’t want to admit too — especially since the books seem to indicate that there is a fussy time that babies have). I DO sing to her — I just hope that she manages not to learn my tone deafness. :P Sigh. And thanks, you are right … this takes time to learn. One day at a time, right?

That said the baby awakens, dinner has been done for 20 minutes and I am still not interested in eating it. Now the baby is going to want something to eat and the dinner gets cold and I am sure I won’t want to have anything to do with it later.

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