Today had a lot of crying in it – most of the morning in fact. I just feel so overwhelmed at taking care of Morella’s feeding schedule. Feeding her this thick, goopy, honey consistency formula just kills me. It makes her mouth all chalky and she smacks her lips like a thirsty person and it just stays there in her mouth being all … inert. Then when she does manage to suck some of that sludge down the reflux tags in and she in discomfort for the next 45 minutes (at least). You would think that this sludge would stay in her belly and not cause her issues, but alas that is not the case. Not to mention her breathing has gotten worse and is even more labored than before. A lot of the time it sounds like she really needs a good cough to get that gunk out.

Last night it took her 45 minutes to go sleep after eating at 3:00AM because of the reflux. She has already vomited twice (once yesterday and once today).

What do you do with a baby when they are fussy? You carry then, jostle and jiggle, you look at their diapers and … what was that other major thing? Oh yeah FOOD. You feed them. Except what do you when it feels like every time you give them the bottle you are playing a game of russian roulette? Did I make the formula thick enough for her to not aspirate but yet suck down? Oh no did she just aspirate now? Is the formula too thick now and can she eat anything?

That damn pediatrician never called me back. I am sure she is just waiting until the appointment tomorrow morning. You know, I don’t think I like her much. To be honest she isn’t the one that got the whole ball rolling on this it was the stand in pediatrician that did. Though of course she consulted her on everything and seemed unsure of herself. Still, I appreciate that she got things in motion. I feel like this pediatrician is too quick to say everything is “normal.”

Tim has decided that he hates lactation consultants because they should have been experienced enough to see that we were doing everything right and that there might be a medical reason behind her not breastfeeding. He does have a point. The lesser pediatrician is a LC … but she isn’t permanent for the East side location. I am currently stuck with the one I have until they hire another one (the other one just left for another job)…or go to a different location. I don’t feel like my driving is that great to do that and it would probably be the location that is far away and hard to get too. :(

I guess I will see what happens tomorrow. I feel like our situation is serious enough to warrant action. Fast and efficient. But the fact that she didn’t call me back today makes me think that maybe she thinks babies breathing in liquid into their lungs is NORMAL.

Anyway. After we both cried for a long time, and eventually she finished a bottle we both went to sleep on the couch (her in her boppy and propped up) and me cuddling next to her. We had a nice three hour nap — which she continued after I gave her the 4:00 bottle. Oh yeah, I am going to try and not feed her anymore except after three hours to make sure that she drinks the sludge down. It’s too hard to play with the consistency of it for comfort feeding to work.

I think I am going to try the hot shower steam thing tonight and see if that helps with her breathing.

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