I’m not having a good morning at all.

Morella has been … I don’t know. She woke up. Ate five ounces. Went down for her nap. Got up a half an hour later. Played, talked in the cosleeper for a half an hour then she melted down and started bawling. I got her up after that. Changed her diaper and into an outfit for the day. Warmed a bottle, but the whole time she was on the edge of crying….tried to feed it to her and then started bawlfest part two.

Nothing I did would stop it. No jiggling. No rocking. No singing. No music. I tried again and she just throws her head back and screams. Finally I put her back in the cosleeper and she stopped crying. But then she rolls onto her back and starts talking, blowing raspberries, playing for awhile before the meltdown begins again. I flip her. Repeat. I take her out to offer a bottle again. Repeat. Put her back down…

There, she might finally be taking a nap.

Is this normal? Why is she doing this?! Do other babies do this for no viable reason?

I really need coffee.

So my brother Josh is home from the hospital yesterday. I called today to wish him a happy birthday and see how my Mom is doing. She said she was really sick yesterday and was almost admitted to the hospital but she refused. They think she might have pneumonia too. She is going to see a doctor again today at four to see how things are going.

I called the doctor at Tim’s request to get their advice on whether not we should take Morella to visit them this weekend. They said that if they are not showing any of the obvious signs of being sick with vomiting, sneezing, coughing, high fever — then the risk is the same as leaving the house to go to the grocery store. But that said, my Mom doesn’t want to risk it and doesn’t want me to visit her in the trailer because she can’t clean it this week. :(

I am still visiting my friend Jessie who just has a baby girl, and then afterward I think we will stop by and they will have to come outside and look at her and make it a small and brief visit. This is SO disappointing to me. I hate poverty. I wish that my family was normal and could drive and had a car that could make it to Madison and could have visited her sooner or anytime she wants. Now the burden is back on my shoulders, in that if I want Morella to ever see her grandmother or uncles then I have to figure out a trip up north so it can happen.

This day needs to turn itself around. I feel so bummed.

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