I am often overcome by the urge to plan my life. Not in the goal oriented sort of way like I want to become a police officer by 2010 …. though I do enjoy setting goals for myself as a way to be motivated and keep it interesting. No, what I mean is that I want to plan every day. Something like:

Mondays: Stay at home day. Administrative day. Bill, junk mail sorting and filing.
Tuesday: YMCA, paper crafts – working on photo ablums, baby books, making cards/scrapbooks, etc.
Wednesday: Errand day. Go do errands. Watch a movie later. Go the Y again?
Thursday: Correspondence day. And other stuff.
Friday: eat out.

As you can plainly see, it sort of devolves. Then I get to thinking “Hey, am I sort of person that really wants that much structure?”

The answer, of course is, “Yes. On some level. I am a goal orientated sort of person. If I don’t work on things that interest me, I eventually start to feel like a boring, plain, loser.”

One method, in helping me through these slumps, is to make lists, and document everything. If I write it down, then it’s proof that I did something, anything towards completing a goal. Even if just wrote down “Write a novel,” and by the end of the day, I didn’t, in fact write a novel…the very fact that I wrote it on my to do list means I made progress towards completing that goal. Are you following me? I was talking with a relatively new friend last night, and somewhere along the way confessed to having six different journals. But see, they all have different purposes, it’s not that I am overly concerned with documenting every aspect of my life…or maybe I am. Is that such a bad thing? Sometimes I think that having several journals is really just a way of spreading the media out. If the internet crashes and burns for whatever reason, then my paper journals will still exist. Morella will be able to see what I did on almost any given day 50 years into the future. Or vice versa.

If I were to be overly analytical, I would suggest to myself that I like control.

“What? Me? Now way. Control freaks are time honored punchline to jokes. No one wants to admit to being a control freak because that is like admitting that you want to become a czar, queen or boss of the world.”

Honestly, when it comes down to it how could I disagree? I can’t, because it’s true. I do like control. I’m bossy. I can’t stand indecision for more than five minutes. Standing around arguing about where to eat dinner or giving directions to the local Dairy Queen in the middle of a sidewalk or parking lot make me want to crawl out of my skin. It doesn’t have to be what I want to do, it just has to be doing something.

Maybe it isn’t control though…perhaps there is another word I am thinking of.

My baby is crying. She has a fever and her 6 hours are up to the tee on her tylenol. She is absolutely miserable and not sleeping today. I think after dosing her, we might go for a long walk. To top it off, I think she has another yeast rash. She has only had an hour nap total today so far.

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