Last night was a zoo. I felt so overwhelmed….I just can’t get that girl to drink much of anything. Her modified goal is 12 ounces of breastmilk or formula. Today I got her to drink 2.5 ounces of it. The other six ounces came from juice. I tried adding strawberry instant breakfast (just one tablespoon), vanilla, chocolate syrup, plain, with formula, just formula, water, in a cup….and she wanted none of it. The majority of the drinking she does do is in the car and first thing when she wakes up in the morning before breakfast. Often though, she will drink a little and then see her dinner/breakfast/lunch and demand that.

So last night I felt devasted. Like I just didn’t know how I was going to do this anymore. Of course, there is no choice but to “do” — to go on and keep trying no matter how futile the fucking thing is. This morning I got up and felt better about it. The day went pretty well, Morella took a nap this morning after dropping Tim off at work. It was pouring rain and I wanted her to keep sleeping so I drove to McDonald’s and got a burrito and large coffee. Then I went to the Woodman’s parking lot and ate it while watching it rain. Then I got bored and called my Mom and had a nice chat with her until Morella woke up.

We went shopping for high calorie stuff. Things like pound cake, carnation instant breakfast, malt, shortbread cookies, peaches and pears in heavy syrup, apricots, prune juice and non dairy creamer for me. One thing I’ll say about McDonald’s is that I didn’t feel the urge to slpurge once! It was nutz. I kept trying to convince myself that I wanted a donut, but I didn’t. So I didn’t get one.

After that we came home, ate a snack and then she took a nap — a three and half hour nap! I was stunned! I did some laundry, washed the dishes, took a shower, got dressed, worked on her invitations, wrote some emails, did a little reading and over all expected her to get up any second. I finally had to call Ann and postpone our afternoon plans by a half an hour so that I could feed her when she woke up.

She had a big bowl of chicken noodle soup (about a cup and half of pasta and carrots), four big peach slices, little sticks of cheddar cheese and a few sips of milk. Yeah, she ate a lot but does it make up for the little bit that she drinks? I don’t know. I keep pushing the fruit because it hydration of some sort….when is this going to end? I am just feeling so helpless and inadequate about this at the end of the day. I almost wish someone else would take her and get her to drink again. Because apparently I can’t do it.

After lunch we went to Target to buy some more toliet paper, some 75% off Halloween stuff, novelty moose ears, laundry detergent and coffee. We didn’t have time to go to Border and have coffee while looking at books and letting the babies crawl around. A shame really because the Starbucks coffee at Target was terrible! Finally at 5:00 I had to leave to pick up Tim from work. We got home, hurridly put a pizza in the oven and then Tim rushed around and got ready for his Thursday night gaming session.

30 minutes later he was gone, and I was back to facing off against Morella in her high chair. She ate a little and then got cranky. I gave her a bath. Tried to give her more milk, read a few books and then put her to bed. She went down without a sound. She was whooped!

Oh Hilary is here. Good, I need to stop playing Scramble.

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