We took Morella to the doctor again today. She was just so … listless. For the most part she slumped her body to ours and rested her head on our shoulder. She took several naps — falling asleep on Tim once, and then taking a nap with me in the bedroom. She did drink about 13-14 oz in liquids (thank goodness) but ate only a handfull of corn puffs and 1/2 a saltine cracker.

The pediatrician, whom Tim said he liked better than the old one, said that the antibiotics she was on may have prolonged her illness. She said that we have the “cruise virus” and that it was on the news a few days ago. Meaning, that this terrible, terrible stomach flu we had is all over town! She said that Morella seemed to be on the mend, but noticed that her right ear was a little red inside. So she called the ENT and he said:

1. Extend her antibiotic dosage for another week.
2. It was mistake for her not to have a follow up with an ENT and he was going to talking to residents about poor protocol. They had told us to just have a follow up with the pediatrician.

You know, considering how rare her condition was, it would make sense that professionals would want to follow it up and make sure it was gone instead of passing the buck off. Hm.

3. Keep offering her as much liquids as possible. Preferably milk.

Which brings me to another depressing bit of news. My milk supply has crashed and burned…today I only pumped 11 ounces. We were going to start weaning her over to milk at about this time, but I had planned on doing it slowly to make sure there were no reactions and that she could tolerate it. But with my plummeting milk supply, and her tender tummy I don’t know if I am so willing to jump on that bandwagon, and yet…what can I do?

After the doctor she went to sleep at 6.30 and has been sleeping since then. Tim went to sleep at 7 and is still snoring. I decided to stay up and read New Moon in the office on the futon. Man, I really gotta put plastic on those windows in there. It’s cold! This is the first year that I haven’t put plastic on the windows by Thanksgiving. Sheesh. But to my credit, this past month has been kind of hard.

I mean. I feel almost like it’s too much. I want so much for Morella to just be a normal, healthy little girl. A girl who eats and drinks. A sweet gal who never had to deal with silent aspiration, severe reflux, mastoiditis, and stomach flu from hell. It’s taking it’s toll on me. I feel like I want to curl up into bed and just read or craft or watch movies until this all blows over. Find someway to detach my self from the situation so it’s more bearable.

That said, I did manage two pieces of pizza, and a piece of cake today. I haven’t eaten much else. I’m sure that could have something to do with the milk supply. To think, that even as little as a month ago I wondered how I would do this whole weaning thing, I thought about if I would delay it…and how I would go about lowering my supply. Now look, it’s not even a question. It’s happening.

Okay. I guess I am going to go and read a little more. I am not ready for bed yet. I guess I am just too wound up still, and also kind of waiting to see if Morella will wake up. I should go and check on her. She isn’t in a sleep sack, so I could make sure she is covered at the very least.

Sometimes I wish I just could turn sleep off and on. You know, budget it on my own. Like money or something.

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