The hungering has started. I just ate a bowl of oatmeal and added raisins. I mean, oatmeal? It’s what I had though…we need to go shopping but I just can’t seem to get myself to change pants yet. I MIGHT have a doctors appointment this afternoon, but I have to call before I am to leave to make sure the doctor is still there and not out delivering a baby. Sigh.

So. Go shopping now with Morella and come back, and then dink around for an hour or so before calling and maybe going. Or stay home and dink around with Morella until it’s maybe time to go and then … I don’t know.

See the thing is, for the last three days (including today), I have found her crying most piteously in her room, picking at her crib. Through trial and error, I have discovered that when she is doing that she wants to be in there, even though she will cry for about a minute afterwards sometimes. I think the key is, that she wants to be in there, without me in the room and the door shut. I can’t help but to feel a little put out by that, but hey if she wants alone time then I guess she gets it.

She hasn’t been feeling well this past week, and yesterday afternoon showed signs of real sick. She had a temperature of 101.4 by afternoon and Tim stayed home sick too. She hasn’t been eating a whole lot and in fact wouldn’t eat her spaghetti for lunch today. She kept spitting it out. In desperation to get some calories into her, I let her eat slabs of cream cheese, apricots (canned) and blackberries. I did manage a few bites of northern beans before she started to spit those out too.

Today when I found her crying in her room pulling at her crib blanket, I put her in, shut the door and took a shower. It’s been a couple days and you know I think it’s a rule that you have to take a shower whenever you go to the doctor regardless if they really check you over or not. Freshly scrubbed, I emerged from the bathroom to sweet melodies being sung from her room. About ten minutes after that she was silent. She had gone to sleep. I finished what I was doing on the net and quickly went to the couch to try and catch some zzzz’s too, even though it was pretty early and I wasn’t sure I could sleep. I figure at this stage in the game, I should be resting as much as I can, whether or not I am sleeping. An hour later when she woke up, I let her talk for about five minutes before going in there to get her. She was laying on her back and didn’t seem anxious to leave. However, she looked a ton better. I sat beside her in a chair until she was ready to get up.

So I didn’t make the brownies yet. I have been hankering to make this recipe from a magazine for almost two weeks now. I have the heavy cream — which is now four days past the sell by date and needs to be used ASAP. That should be motivation enough to get into the kitchen and cooking. It’s not even that often that I actually *have* heavy cream around the house. It’s not something I like to use a lot of because of the lactose intolerance thing … but when it’s cooked that seems to help it.

Yesterday I took Morella out of the house on an impromptu play date with one of the Mom’s from the East Mom’s Club. I suggested we go to Borders and let the kids roam around. You can get a drink and let them walk and explore, and it’s not that busy on a Wednesday morning and it’s quiet and carpeted and just perfect. It so happens that while we were there a bunch of other moms and kids started showing up in the kids section. At first I thought, “Wow, I guess this isn’t such an original idea after all.” And then there was an announcement that it was Story time. Yikes!

The other woman’s two year was not at all interested in the boring cadence of the employee recruited to read books. Neither was Morella, but thankfully she was happy to roam around and look at everyone clutching a small, brown realistic looking stuffed dog she had found. A doggie, that I bought for her because she liked it so much and I hardly ever spend tons of money on her…that is until after I paid and realized that stupid dog was $15!!! My god. It’s a webkinz dog, so I think there is some kind of web access that comes along with it and that is why it was so effin’ expensive. Never again! Especially for stuffed animals.

I also got Tim a big book of stickers that has lots of realistic stickers in it so that he can make cool hocak flash cards, and myself I got a teeny set of colored pencils. I was hoping it would have had a teeny pencil sharpener in there, but alas it did not. Yes, I have tons of colored pencils, but not in that much variety of color and so teeny and transportable! Oh it was for fun. My last fun purchase was the stamp set last month so it’s okay.

So that was my big outing. I came home, Tim got up eventually we tried to feed Morella lunch she wouldn’t’ eat but instead napped for two hours. Afterward she ate a bit or two more and … yeah. Sigh.

So back to today….it’s only 12.33 and yet it feels like 2 in the afternoon. I’m tired and unmotivated, and still hungry and it’s my single parenting day and Morella’s nose is back to running…and there are diapers in the dryer that need to come up…and now she is eating crayon — oh geez.

I better get off this and fish it out. If only crayons has calories.

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