I tried to go to bed early and snuggle with Athena. It was a trying night because Tim went to his game night and I was on my own with the two girls. I gave Morella a bath and put Athena in the swing. She started crying 7 minutes into the bath. So I took Morella out of the bath and we were going to get Athena and put her in the bouncy in the hallway. Morella ran off without getting fully dry and slipped on the hardwood floor falling back and bumping her head. I picked her up and soothed her and then we brought Athena to the hallway, and Morella back to the bath where she howled like furious banshees when I washed her hair. But you know, she was okay after that.

Athena meanwhile was okay until the end and needed to be picked up. I fed her while Morella ran around naked until she was asleep and put her down so that I could put Morella to bed. One minute into that she started hollering but there was nothing I could do because Morella needed to be put to bed. I bet every single neighbor heard the chaos of this evening.

Morella went to bed without stories because she was tired. Athena stopped crying the moment I picked her up and eventually went to sleep. I placed her on the bed while I got ready for bed and then went to nap. Except my mind won’t turn off. I keep thinking over and over about this special time. My baby is almost a week old. My other baby felt like a big kid when I picked her up from the fall. I imagined them both taking a bath together and then suddenly felt like it was going to happen and be done with so soon. I think it’s because whenever I take Athena out people ask about how old she is and usually follow that up with “It goes by so fast…”

Thanks dudes. I don’t need to be reminded of that right now while I am feeling like every day is simultaneously too fast and too slow.

Eventually I got up with the intention of writing down every precious minute of the day in my journal. Or at least making an entry (in my paper journal) but I still haven’t done that. As far as my journal knows, Athena has not yet entered this world and I am very pregnant and feeling it.

I went to the doctor today to see about the UTI because in the booklet from the hospital regarding post partum and baby care said to call if urinating became painful, burning and frequent. Sure enough, I have a bad UTI. She gave me some medicine and said I should be feeling better by tomorrow. I hope so! Last night was truly awful with Athena not sleeping unless she had a boob in her mouth and the burning pain from the UTI.

I just want to feel better. You know? I feel like the last ten months I have been sort of sick or ill, and not myself. Of course I wasn’t myself — I know that. But I was hoping that by feeling better physically I would start to feel better mentally about doing more with Morella and Athena and being the best Mom I can be instead of a tired, ill and whiny one.

The doctor mentioned again that I had lost a lot of blood and it’s normal to feel run down, and then on top of that getting a UTI slowed things down a bit.

Anyway. I have a feeling Athena is going to pull the same tactic as last night which is cluster feed for about 4 hours before sleeping. I really, really should have gotten some winks in instead of sitting here and writing. But….I need to write. I need to get this off my mind. It might not be the stellar entry waxing poetic about early infancy and toddlers and special memories but at least it’s something.

Also, today was Athena’s first outing. We went to Olbrich Park for Morella’s playdate. It was only Tim, Morella, Athena and I for a good portion of it. She sat in her carseat under a shady tree and snoozed while we played with Morella. Eventually my shirt got soaked because ole Lefty needed a certain little someone to wake up and eat. I guess it’s a good thing our first outing was at a park instead of someplace inside and public next to other people. ;)

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