Athena is one month old. She is lying in my arm right now while I hunt and peck this post out. I would put her down but I am afraid that she will wake and get fussy thereby giving me no time to write. So slow writing is better than no writing.

For her one month birthday she has the pleasure of experiencing her first cold. She got it from Morella no doubt. My hope is that it will be as mild as Morella’s was and that breastmilk will contain some immunity for her. The most I felt from the cold was a bit of a scratchy throat for a day yesterday. It is quite sad to hear her little snorting noises as she tries to breath through her nose. She has been sleeping a good portion of this evening giving me a bit of break, and I hope that doesn’t translate into up all night. Poor Athena. Morella didn’t get her first cold until she was six months old. I guess, it is one of the hazards of being second born.

Aside from regular newbornness, I noticed that she is starting to pay more attention to the face of whomever is holding her and really looking at us. The last day or two she as even started to coo and try out her vocal chords. Cool! Soon Ill be able to bust out her play mat and let her look nat the lights and listen to the music. The biggest challenge regarding that will be keeping Morella from stepping on her stomach.

One of the hardest things so far in this new adventure is keeping Morella from crushing Athena while I am nursing her. Even the gentleness of “be careful” reminders soon has both kids bawling with me trapped between.

I was thinking tonight about my expectations in what it was to be a Mom. Whenever I thought about it, I would think about baking cookies, doing arts and crafts, playing in the leaves, watching them put on plays for me, eating dinner together etc. I guess a big part of me doesn’t really feel like a Mom yet. For example, when I look at the other Mom’s in our playgroup interacting with their kids, they seem totally “momlike” to me. I still sort of feel like an imposter. A glorified baby sitter. So much of this Mom business is getting through each day keeping them alive.

[nursing break]

Sure I appreciate all the sweet moments and try to get through those rough spots (all the while trying not to wish away the early days too fast) …

Maybe I’ll feel the Mom bit when someone actually calls me “Mom.” Or maybe I feel it already and it’s time to adjust those old expectations. Hm. No…no, I am still waiting for that “I’m someone’s Mom” moment.

Oh! In other news, Morella used the potty for the first time today! I even had Tim bring in the potty to show me, in front of guests, to verify that there was indeed pee in the potty. Wow! Tim has been working on using the potty with Morella. I always thought I would be the one to potty train the kid, but I guess not.

The sucky thing about three day weekends is that you get used to having extra help around the house to distract Morella while I nurse Athena — which as many of you know is a lot. I look forward to when I can distract her with toys, when she goes longer between sessions, has a more concrete nap schedule and is a more effective nurser.

This is one of the rare Labor Day weekends where we didn’t go and visit my Dad and it was quite nice. I mean, sure I would have liked to have seen my Dad, but staying here all nights was great.

Athena snorts and I must answer.

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