Look at that round face. It just cracks me up to look at her sometimes. Oh goodness, it cracks me up most of the time, the other time I can’t stop thinking about how freaking cute she is, and what beautiful eyes she has, and how squishy she is, and how she really looks at me like “aww shucks!” and now inserts a coo every now and then. And yet, I can’t imagine what she will look like when she is older. I have been going back to look at photos of Morella when she was a baby and some of them really look like her now, and how the early photos look like generic baby. I think her real appearance started to emerge around 5 months. That said, there is some resemblance I can see in the early pictures, like the expressions.
Morella got up from her afternoon nap in a super crabby mood, and crying. She had a poopy diaper and wanted me to change it right away but didn’t want to go back bed (despite needing it). I plopped her on the couch for 10 minutes of Wiggle songs. While sitting there and I finished feeding Athena I asked Morella if she could sit next to her. She nodded yes. Then Athena started to slip down the couch cushion onto Morella. I was sending Tim the first picture when I heard I “NO!” and looked over to see that Athena was trying to eat Morella’s arm, much to her dismay.
Tonight is Thursday and game night. Tim went to buy pizza for the guys since it’s their one year anniversary. I can’t have pizza on this bullshit diet so I decided to go to Copp’s to get a deluxe salad from their salad bar. When we got there, I saw that cart was available so I asked Morella if she wanted to ride in it. She LOVES these plastic cars (much to my horror) and so it was the most pleasant shopping experience in ages!
A word on this low yeast diet. Notice I said “low”. I tried to so the No Yeast Diet but I just can’t. I need to eat some fruit to help feel full and make things work. You know? Eating just vegetables and meat makes me feel incredibly hungry. I am nursing which is a hungry making job already and then add this on top of it and I am in my own little hell hole. Yesterday, I was SO angry at the people who thought of diets and people who follow diets. It’s so machochistic. It’s like a glorified form of cutting. And by diets, I mean these strict diets not just cutting back on bad food and eating healthier. I am talking the “don’t eat figs, food that grow in the moonlight, wheat, sugar, blah blah blah” You can eat millet and you better be happy doing it. In fact, you eating millet makes you better than everyone because you have such marvelous self control, and love to torture yourself …
Ugh See? I’m getting angry about it now.
So I decided to just do my very bestest to not consume large amounts of refined sugar. I felt like I was making some serious progress until tonight when my nipples started to feel a bit tender and things started to get itchy elsewhere, if you catch my drift. Was it dryness? Was it all the extra nursing Athena did today because she couldn’t much last night on an account of her cold? Is it all in my head? Was it the dressing I put on my salad yesterday that had sugar in it? Were the stars aligned just right? Am I crazy? GAH! I wanted to quit. But quitting is going to help anything. I just need to keep trying and see if this just something that happened this evening.
Thankfully, Morella went to bed somewhat early at 6:40 after a bath, and stories, and Athena finally settled down around 6:30 so I could put Morella to bed and read those stories. They have both been sleeping peacefully the last almost two hours leaving me precious time to take a shower, get dressed, do some internet reading and commenting, eat my sushi dinner (with soy sauce that contained wheat which I considered to be the winner over soy sauce that had sugar), pick up some toys outside, feed the pets, pick up toys inside, and make the bed better (set up for night time with Athena).
Last night, while cuddling a sick Athena and tethered to the couch, I watched Penelope. I have been watching A LOT of movies these days. Most evenings Athena will settle if I am settled with her. I would rather just sit on the couch and not be able to do much rather than keep trying to put her down for five minutes of freedom only to spend 15 minutes calming her down.
Or maybe it’s her cold that is making her all bearable…or maybe the thrush is really under control in her and she is more comfortable…or maybe all those stupid probiotics I’ve been taking have been helping her somehow…or maybe …. or ….
Lastly, Morella has had lots of playdates recently. I almost feel like we are seeing more people after Athena was born then before. I feel like my hermit side is about to kick in, but then at the same time that would mean I would have to entertain and burn off Morella’s endless energy all my myself — and it’s just much easier to have another toddler do that.