Ugh. The second time in a row Athena has stayed up after 10. At 9:30 I thought I was going to go mad with itching and so leaving a drowsy baby by herself I went to take a shower and goop up. Thankfully I didn’t hear crying while showering but afterward while I was applying magical potions I heard Tim go in there and try to soothe her. She was having none of it, so he gave up and left. A few minutes later when I entered the room and told her to shush, she started to…but didn’t stop crying until I picked her up. She was practically asleep when I offered her some milk and that just pushed her over.
But 10? I have a huge list of things that need to be done and I can’t do any of it while she is awake. Or maybe I can. I will just have to pass her off to Tim so I can do it when I know darn well that she isn’t hungry. Just awake. Tonight though I just wanted to watch some comedy and laugh because of what a horrible past few days it’s been. I am starting to feel better, though the sinus junk in my head hurts when it shifts around. Thankfully it looks like Athena might have gotten the least of it.
We didn’t leave the house again today. I didn’t even bother changing any of us except Athena out of our pajama’s. It was one of those low points in parenting where you just want everything to stop for a few hours so that you can regroup and get a breath. But today I had to settle for just being a competent mother instead of a great one. I kept thinking of the article in Good Housekeeping this month with Paula Deen when they asked her one of her regrets. She had said she wished she had spent more time with her kids. When the interviewer asked her what she had been doing instead she said “OH I don’t know, cooking and watching TV I guess.”
You know, that is how it was back then. The concept of real quality time was something that you did once in awhile, not all day. I remember growing up it seemed like my Mom was constantly finding ways to ditch us kids and go do something better and by herself like drive around. Though I learned now that my step dad actually had wanted to go on all those long drives in the car drinking. Huh. Still, when Mom was home she was immersed in her crafts and didn’t want us kids bugging her (aka messing with her stuff). Though to be fair there were plenty of bedside chats. Hm. Then again, there were five of us so maybe she just divided her time the best she could. I don’t think I suffered any by having to go play with my brothers all the time. I know for a fact that I am going to be shooing Morella and Athena out the door or off to play with each other plenty of times. How else do you help foster their imagination? That isn’t to say that I don’t intend on doing stuff with them and playing. Oh no, that is the fun part. The reason we go through weekends and days like this.
Alright. I have the playgroup coming over next Monday for some birthday cake in honor of Morella’s birthday. That is all we are doing. We are going to let Morella open her gifts in the morning before people come over, sing happy birthday to her while she blows out two candles and then let her play. Tim will go in two hours late for the moment and that’s it. Maybe we will have mac and cheese with hotdogs in it for dinner. It’s already way more than I wanted to do, but I couldn’t pass up great timing on her birthday/playgroup.
I am not yet where I would like to be regarding the basement. I had planned on doing a lot this weekend, but that didn’t happen because we were focusing on getting through the day. I have been playing with the idea of doing a white board — and idea I got from Hilary. You basically put the things that you want to do on little post it notes and put it up. That way you can break down bigger projects that seem overwhelming into smaller projects and eventually work your way through them. I feel like I have a thousand things I want to do and when I get the time I am not always sure I am working on what I should be working on. Though today I needed the rest. I needed to finish reading the Sunday paper, and then idly look at the internet and drink heavily honeyed tea and wait for tylenol to kick in. I couldn’t nap because I wasn’t tired enough, but at the same time I was too tired to do anything else but wish the hours would go by a little faster until I felt better.
I have been holding back on that idea because I didn’t have a white board. I have two chalk boards down stairs that would do the same job but I felt like I needed the board up in order to even accomplish that task. Today in a moment of frustration I just wrote on a post it and stuck it on the office door. I added a bunch more through out the day. The problem wasn’t the chalk board not being up or properly installed, it was me finding a way to procrastinate and hold myself back. Sometimes you just have do it to get started. You can always go back later and do it better.
I just hope that I am feeling awesome tomorrow morning. You know that awesome you feel after getting over a big sick? That energy you have that doesn’t necessarily match up with your body, but it still feels great anyway?