I am going stir crazy. Nuts. Maybe it’s the winter blues, post holiday, de-stressing blah blah blah out of my system. But the last two days I have just had such a short fuse. I get angry with Morella’s constant tantrums, the closing and opening of doors every two freaking seconds, not letting Athena lay on the floor or anywhere without guarding her closely from Morella’s affections, tripping over crap I picked up an hour ago on the floor, the never ending pile of dirty dishes, to name a few. Yes, we have a dish washer but someone has to rinse dishes, load it and unload it and it’s hard to do that when Athena is growling about something and Morella wants to “help.”

I love these two kids. I do. I love Tim. But I can hate the snoring that makes me feel trapped at night between him and a sleeping baby. Yes, I had ear plugs in but this was the might that shook the bed and stirred the baby. I started to cry and then thought “Why are you unhappy right now? You want to sleep? Make it happen. Leave.”

So I did. I went to the office and unfolded the futon, made the bed, wrestled with a stupid bouncy seat that made noise no matter how I touched it and then went and retrieved the baby — all to a thundering cacophony of nostrils. I was able to put her down in about 15 minutes and fall asleep myself by about 1:00. I was awakened later at some point by a darling demanding to know “What happened?” and a baby who wanted to eat. Everyone got up early at 7:15 and I discovered that sleep did not change my disposition and I was in just as bad of a mood as I was last night.

I served Morella breakfast she did not want. Unloaded the dishwasher, loaded it, fed the baby and then handed her off to Tim before I went into the office, shut the door and put in ear plugs. I hoped for a 1 hour and 15 minutes for sleep. Fifteen minutes to get to sleep and a good hour. That is exactly what I got when Tim woke me up to “top off” Athena because he was going to take them to the mall to get some new calenders.

Okay the oven is beeping at me. I ended up going. Then later I read and caught up on sleep during the afternoon nap. Oh wait, I should mention I think that is how the bad mood really started. No one took any significant naps yesterday and both kids were in foul moods making everything a thousand times harder than it should have been.

Sigh.

I watched Slumdog Millionaire last night. I was happy to notice that when it was over I had to look around and shake the movie off. I really enjoy movies that make me forget about everything. Then I watched an episode of Dexter.

I hope I feel better by tomorrow. I hate feeling like this. I even considered getting some St. John’s wort tea but got scared off by the warning of Nursing or Pregnant women beware.

2 thoughts on “

  1. --Tumbleweed

    I really want to see Slumdog Millionaire, but haven't had a chance. How was it? Also I meant to ask you if you've ever read anything by Joy Harjo. Your bio reminded me so much of her, and I thought you might love her as much as I do!

  2. hadjare

    Yes I have read some of her works, heard her speak and probably even met her in passing at some post reception event back in the university. :)

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