In between blogs

You know stuff is happening when there are big spaces in time between blog posts.  Usually it’s because something stressful happened and then you recover, and then it’s been so long you don’t know where to begin and then blah blah blah.  I don’t want that to happen here. I feel like there is a ton of things I want to write about but I have been hindered by this illnesses.

Despite being sick the entire the time that the girls have been sick, it went and upped itself a notch yesterday. I couldn’t believe it. Not only that, but something is up with Athena and she is one heck of a crabby baby.  She does have a chest full of gunk and her coughing sounds painful, but she would also just shout and cry.  Last night she was doing just this when Tim finally said “Does she need some tylenol?”  I replied “Sure.”  Twenty minutes later she was asleep and stayed that way though the night, though she was cuddled next to me in the morning so I am not entirely sure when she made it back into my bed. Maybe for the early 4:00 feeding…or maybe I never put her back in the cosleeper because I was really tired and sad about being sick.  Whatever.  I gave her two more doses of tylenol throughout the day when she seemed to be ultra cranky again.  The first time she feel asleep almost immediately at the 20 minute mark, while I was holding her. The second time mid way through the afternoon after her long nap.   It’s just so un-Athena like behaviour. She is also really pissed when Morella comes anywhere near her.  Though, she has good reasons for that. I think I’ll ask to have her ears looked at tomorrow for her flu booster shot.  It seems like the kind of lingering illness that could foster a first ear infection.

Morella has turned into a little beast. She is feeling better from the great illness and has started to eat a bit more, not be as snot nosed (more like a trickle now instead of a raging river) – though she is doing some serious 2 year old behaviour.  Everything is MINE.  Anytime I ask her to do something she slows down dramatically and looks at me with “I dare you to do something about it” to running away in the opposite direction, to suddenly remember a thousand other tasks, and randomly throwing fits about things unrelated to the appointed task — such as “Come here and put your shoes on.”   Fine.  I can deal with that. What I do not like dealing with, and I know this is just the beginning… is how naughty she is being to Athena.   It just seems … deliberate.  She pushes her over. She hug/chokes her. Today she got a time out for banging a box on her head hard (that she has just ripped out of Athena’s chubby little grasp). The kicker is that when she gets Athena to cry she starts to tease her! “Uhnnn uhnn uhnnn” she’ll repeat along with Athena.  I swear, two year olds are the meanest kid ever.  And the sweetest. Like the other day she woke up and came running into the room with two toys for Athena to play with – a bunny puppet and a teether.   She even let Athena play with them once she gave them to her.  But for the most part these past two days, Morella is not very nice when in close quarters to the baby.  I think Athena knows it because she starts to cry as soon as Morella comes near her.  That said, I do think that Athena is also just sick and not feeling herself.

Yesterday I felt like a trapped bear.  Pacing the house with a evil plotting kid and a clingy baby. Looking outside at yet another grey overcast day. Kids still too sick to take into public without getting judging stares.  Tim finally told me to go outside because it was 50 degrees. I didn’t believe it,  but I was willing to take the risk of going through the whole effort of getting everyone ready if only to leave the house for five minutes.  It was glorious. It was so warm I got away with wearing just a hoodie and down vest.  No hat. No gloves. We walked Pluto, dropped him off and then I walked over to my friend Ann’s house.  We stopped on the way at the park and swung for 10 minutes (Morella laughed the entire time at Athena –  I have some great pictures), then dawdled while Morella walked and looked at the ducks and water next to the bike path, and even the part where I had to double back 1/2 way to find my keys that Athena chucked, wasn’t that bad.  It was so nice to go out and be out.  We didn’t get home until 7:00, and had gone out for decaf coffee and snacks.

I think maybe Morella is suffering from cabin fever too. Today it rained out the entire time …and you know, I am sick and Athena is off, so we didn’t leave the house again. I didn’t even anyone dressed and let them get as covered with whatever they got into.  Morella got to play with paints all day (her favorite color is purple!), and she took a massive nap…and we played alot while Athena took and early long nap. In fact, they took staggered naps, so I was able to spend quality time with each of them which probably made the day bearable (unlike this past weekend…wait  can I say that if it’s Thursday night?)

I am totally rambling now. It’s okay. I need to ramble.  How else am I going to get through this dark winter? What am I going to look back on to read and think “Ahh those were the days!”  I sure as heck don’t have time to write anything meaningful in my paper journals. Might as well do it here when I am more dedicated.    I think my point is, I really, truly am now understanding the meaning behind “the terrible twos.”   Toss in being stuck in the house for two weeks and sick and it’s a ticking time bomb!

Moving on. I have other things I want to note.

I got a package in the mail yesterday. It was from my Uncle Chuck (my mother’s brother…and hey only living aunt/uncle I have left).  It was a long 10 page letter and …. records of my mother’s side of the family going back four generations! It included scanned pictures of my grandmother (died when my Mom was 21), family members, birth certificates, marriage certificates, and real school pictures of my Mom and photos my Mom had sent her father/brother.  As Chuck said “I don’t want you to think I don’t care, I just know i am getting old and if something happens to me anything can happen to these.”  I completely understand.   I called my Mom to tell her of this great treasure that landed on my door step and she said “You are the only like that. You are sentimental.”

Now, I don’t think it’s being sentimental. I think it’s like finding a deeper understanding of who these people are, these people that I am related to or was related to.  On first glance through it’s amazing how much Morella looks like her great-grandmother, especially the eyes. I’ll have to borrow my friends scanner so I can share some of this awesome stuff.  I also noticed how much my older brother Shane looks like my Mom’s eldest brother Larry (deceased).  I just thought “That is where Shane got those looks from.” I always thought he looked different then the rest of us Red Eagle kids. Sure I have the lightest complexion and hair, but feature wise I take after the Red Eagles.

Mom is right though. I do have almost every letter ever sent to me since I was 16.  What can I say? I love documentary, especially my own life since I have easy access to it. :P   I think what keeps me going is the one day that I can sit down ad look through it all. Read every letter and remember it all. I look forward to doing that with the girls when they are older.

The other bit is Pluto. It’s not looking good for him. He has a swollen prostrate, and the primary guess from the Vet is that he has prostrate cancer.  He has no swollen lymph nodes, no blood in his urine, his blood samples looked great, and he didn’t flinch when she examined him like many dogs do because if there was an infection, it would hurt.  Our current plan of action is to give him antibiotics for 2 weeks, along with pain medication, go for frequent walks, start giving him wet dog food mixed with his kibble to get him to eat more and get a urine sample. After two weeks he goes back in to see where things stand and possibly get an ultrasound referral to confirm prostrate cancer. The outlook is not good for this and the best we can do is to just help make him more comfortable.  Tonight he has his first episode of incontinence in our house (on the couch). He had a little episode two weeks ago at a friends house who was watching him, but we had chalked it up to him being excited go outside with two other dogs.   That is when we all first started to suspect something was going on. It’s happening so fast.   I guess our main method of coping is to do our best to help Pluto right now and not think too far beyond the now.

On that note, I am going to take the cold medicine that I can take (sadly it is not nyquil) because of Neeners and go to bed. Or try too.  Last night I went to bed early at 11 and didn’t get to sleep until 1:00 because of all the shouting, snoring, sleeping walking and not being able to breath through my nose denial.

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