Got a call from the Chemistry department about a job for Greg. It took me 1.5 hours to screw up the courage to go back out into in the cold and wait outside their building for someone to let me in (they have no phone, and no working buzzer). I waited for five minutes in the cold before deciding to light up a smoke when someone came in at that instant. I tried to put my smoke out, but it was unsuccessful, and went in. Walked up one floor to their apartment, puffed and the smoke started right away. I gave him the job thing and they told me he got a temp job starting tomorrow. How fortunate! We talked a bit and then I came back to call Tim. I did not realize in Ottawa they all speak french. Suck.

So, two or three tries later I finally realize that unending silence after the french babble, is supposed to be an answering machine. I leave a message…and then call back at after 10. Poor Tim had a terrible trip going through O’hare, and finally customs in Canada. They drill you harder than anyone imaginable…and to top off the misery he finds that he forgot his dress pants!!! I tried to calm him and said that it wouldn’t be that bad. That he would just wear the nice green pants and a sweater and ask the kind ladies at the indian musuem where he could purchase pants because they were inadvertantly left behind. They would be happy to help him. People usually are happy to help nice people who ask for help, right? Especially when they travel a long way to train you on something.

Uff. I am a wino tonight. We decided this last weekend to start buying the big glass jugs of wine because it is 1. Cheaper, 2. Better for you, 3. Takes up less space than beer. I had one glass when I came home, made dinner then went over to Bekah’s house and they made me have some (I had a small glass) then back here where I drank one while listening to Tim’s woe’s and now one more because I am tipsy and my good sense of judgement has gone out the window. Bekah offered for me to go over for dinner tommorrow. I don’t know, maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I wanted to do some things for myself. Namely, the healing thing (that makes me think of my little old friend Myrna) that would help me get over a problem. That healing thing would be writing a letter saying all of my thoughts…etc and then putting it away afterward. I am hoping by doing this I will reach some kind of resolution of ‘ending’ for myself, so that I can move on. I have high hopes for this year and I do not want to be bogged down by things from this last year. However in the past two days I got a package in the mail that was regifting something, and an email. I put the email away and found someone else to take the planner (as it was) because my Dad had already given it to me. It makes me think it might be in good effort..but then again, I don’t know. I was SO hurt after hearing the news I did this past weekend. I don’t think I can let myself do this anymore.

I would just much rather talk to her about it…at least one last time if that is what it is meant to be.

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