Tired. Ugh. I should really be in bed right now instead of tapping put a post here. But some post is better than no post.

  • I finished the bathroom. I tiled, reputed, and sealed twice. I had the contractor come and caulk it all as well as rethread the wainscot. I painted the walls a light grey. I sanded and painted the wood part of the vanity a dark grey. I moved all the stuff back into the bathroom and went through it all. I was the shower liner and rehung it (I used to just throw the plastic ones away …adding unnecessary waste to landfills when all you have to do is throw it in with your bleached whites. Anyway. I am done done done.
  • I am shy about people looking at it because I am afraid they really think it looks crappy and don’t have the heart to tell me because it would make me feel terrible. On the other hand, I put a
    A lot of work into that bathroom and am so glad it’s done. It looks so much better….and I think I might be able to use those cool owl decals I saw at target a month or two ago…..
  • I hired a babysitter who the girls absolutely love because she is creative and energetic and imaginative along with them. They didn t even notice me slipping off to the basement so that I CPU
    D finish painting. Well, actually Morella did check up on me but never came down, and Neeners seemed to have forgotten I existed. Amazing! She will be coming again tomorrow so I can work more on getting the house ready for Morella’s birthday party this Sunday.
  • Painting dirty, disgusting ceilings is difficult …but oh so worth it. I am bringing the blue carpet in my room downstairs tomorrow to add to the other blue area rug..and heck, it might even look like poor mans wall to wall carpeting.
  • I had a big fight with my Mom and subsequently Tim about my side of the family and the choices everyone makes. I was so upset about it that I cried a bunch. Tim took the girls with him for a few hours put to the farm office and I had sme quiet time with Soren. Later on, when the new babysitterwas here, chatty Morella made sure to tell her that I cried, and that I didn’t tell her the truth in why. Where did she get this…tell the truth…business? Sheesh. And also, thanks Morella for being so chatty. Geez. I guess Mom crying is a big deal though. They never see it.
  • I finally washed Falkors dog bed blankets. Man they were stinky. Enough to bowl you over. Not I just gotta get those cat boxes under control. I hate cat pee smell.
  • I returned Laima’s tile cutter and materials tonight and got a tour of her house and works in progress. Oh how I love her house, and her projects. I walked away with some new to me clothes, a mobile (I love mobiles), hand printed original art cards, and bracelets for the girls. I am going to wrap them up. At this point anything I am getting will be wrapped up for a birthday or Christmas present. I need to to lay put all the gifts and stuff and figure out what I have and what I need to get.
  • I am reconsidering my plans for Thanksgiving. I think we might just stay here and do pur own, and then go and visit my brother sometime over the weekend. I don’t know. I am a little heartbroken over the whole thing. I really want to be a martyr and not do anything. Just fucking cancel it and my expectations of what it is and should be. I feel like my involvement in any way, shape or form right now is an inconvience to everyone in someway. I should just get a frozen Turkey Banquent dinner and be done with it.
  • One thought on “

    1. Jessie

      Shit. (((hug))) Sorry. I know. Be frustrated and get mad.
      I think kids freak because moms are supposed to be the hugger and the tear flicker. Kids don’t realize moms need to be the hug-ee once in a while. That being said, its not just moms, I’ve only ever seen you cry once myself. it’s just not something you resort to often.
      Maybe though, and of course I don’t know the whole story, but maybe you should go ahead and be as mad as you need to be, then set it aside and be with your family. Make Thanksgiving a pot luck situation and try to make it easier in some way. Maybe go a little early and help mom clean up the house if that’s the problem. or if food is the issue, making it a buffet style-pot luck situation will save on table space and ease the meal burden. even if you have to take on the meal yourself. you don’t have control over your family’s actions, but you can set and example quietly and gracefully and show them that you can make do with what you have. It’s your mom. if its not about anyone else, your mom needs this and if no one else can help her have this, you have to do it. all bad choices and fuckery aside, we only have our moms (and dads) for a little while. God knows they aren’t perfect…ugh fuck no. But you know, if you think about it, maybe its the only way they knew how. they did the best they could, right or wrong, it was they best THEY could. That’s what we got. We have to run with it, hold it, and squeeze every ounce we can out of it. What we have to do to rectify their mistakes is our business. they are who they are and they belong to us good or bad. So, and again, I don’t know the whole story and your probably thinking, Jess shut the wang up you have no real clue-but then in someways I kind of think I do…so, plan your ideal thanksgiving around your family. if you have to do it all, do it all. Tell Tim to take the kids to the park or go shopping and clean for your mom and cook and be with your family, with your mom. When she complains or whines, just close your eyes and count. keep your smile on, change the subject and when its all over, you have a good man there that will listen to you and let you scream and cry it out. But this is important. You mom loves you so much. She needs thanksgiving any way she can get it, she needs it. she’s not trying to push you away, she just is being herself and maybe, she needs you to listen to her, like you have Tim to listen to you. You have the means to keep it together. I know you don’t want the responsibility, but maybe thats just how its laid out for you. I’m not saying to coddle them and give them money or whatever they want. but if you walked in, took charge of the moment and made it the best it can be under the circumstances, you have done your job. and you did it with grace and strength and awesomeness and love for your family. They may not appreciate it, and they may just keep expecting it, but fuck that. This is for mom. this is for you and your babies. we don’t have a lot of time left with our parents neither of us. Don’t waste it. I love you my old friend. I wish you strength and a thankful week this week. (((hug)))

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