Eric, I must publicly apologize for silently (and maybe sometimes not so silently) mocking you about your devotion to the George Foreman Grill. When I first met you were constantly throwing chicken on to that grill, with the occasional pork chops.

I came by mine via Matt last Christmas. He dug it out from underneath his sink and shoved it towards me, pulling back at the last moment when he realized it was covered in grease soaked dust. Hurriedly he scrubbed the top and talked about he used to use it all the time, but that since he got married he got a bigger and better one. Thus, the puny old one was passed on to us.

Well I took it home and put it on the far side of the table. Sometime later it migrated underneath the table, and eventually I moved it to the extra appliance cupboard and forgot about it.

Winter melted into spring and spring blossomed into summer. Two weeks ago, I started to bring my bike to work so that I could ride home afterward. While loading the bike into the Scion noticed a light purple, plastic piece laying in the back.

“It’s part of that George Foreman grill,” Tim said.
“Oh,” I replied and let it lay. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be needing that any time soon.

Last week it was hot. I didn’t want to turn on the AC because I was and still am enjoying the heat. I am 100% positive that only Koopa and I are appreciating it right now.

“What should I do for dinner? There are those pork chops…but it’s too hot to turn on the oven…”

“And we don’t have any charcoal,” Tim reminded me.

“Well then…” I hesitated, trying to think of another alternative.

“What about the George Foreman grill?” Tim suggested.

“What about it?” I envisioned it, laying on it’s side behind the dog’s water dish in the deep, dark cupboard.

“Use that,” he said and turned up the volume on the TV.

“Okay.” Fine. I was going to try it. I went out to the car, got the piece, brought it and realized that it was broken. Still, I tried to stuff it on the top of the grill, but since it is broken the bun warmer flops open when you flip it up. I took out the chops, sprinkled some seasoning on them and slapped them into the grill and plugged it in. In less than 10 minutes, I had thoroughly cooked chops with no fat all ready to eat.

No extra heat. No extra dishes. No extra fat. Less electricity used.

So yeah, Eric — I take back all those mocking thoughts about you and your obsessive devotion to your George Foreman grill. However, I retain the right to make fun of your …. ahhh…..crap. What else is left?

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