See what happens when I feel like I am expected to update photos every week (yes, most of that expectation is from myself) — I end up not posting at all. It’s a classic conundrum that folks get themselves into, and layer up on procrastinating layer — it eventually gets worse. I mean, isn’t that why friends drift apart? People get divorced? People go bankrupt? It’s that … guilt. That feeling of “Oh I should probably see/do/pay blank — but, I’m already a little late, and being a little later won’t hurt anything.” Then it becomes “Oh, man, I am so far behind/out of touch/lazy — that if I do something it has to be really good…so yeah, I do something *really* good, and that’ll make up for it.” But then…it eventually ends up as “Oh crap, it’s now too late.”
What a vicious cycle that is. I get mired it weekly. I think everyone does — that’s why we admire achievers so much.
I am going to let myself post photos whenever I want to. I mean, it’s what I do anyway…why not just accept it and quite fighting it? I think tomorrow — I still need to get a picture of DH with his new hair cut. I did get some pictures of Nephew this morning — he’s a cute baby.
I’ve started to get my ideas back. Each day the sun is out a little longer, and each day new ideas creep into my head. Ideas like: revamp Tceku, renew wazika, create a community, clean the guest room, sew something, reach out and touch someone, exercise on my own, write a penpal ad for my mom, catch up on all my letters, organize my desk, make cool cards, make really neat stationary, host the next scrabble, figure out what the bottom drawer to the stove is for — am I supposed to put pans in there? Man, that would be cool. Other things include: hanging up pictures, moving the two pieces of furniture in the kitchen around, take more photos, read more …. aha!
I HAVE been reading more. George RR Martin has completely suckered me back in. I think about it every moment, I tell myself — take some time and read..you can clean later. Don’t watch TV, go read instead…read read read. I have two more books to go too. I know I have all the time in the world to read these books, and I have read them before — but that’ s all I can think about.
Oh, but I have been social too. Monday I went out with Hilary where I watched her drink WAY too much coffee. It was weird to realize that she was shaking herself out of the wooden chair at Michelangelo’s. I went to TKD on Tuesday, and sparred on Wednesday. I went to work on Monday and Wednesday, baby sat this morning. I have been keep up with the house work. I have written a letter or two. Made some stationary. Oh…I’ve been watching movies too!
I saw 2046 — the sequel to “in the mood for love’ and didn’t like it much. I saw “March of Penguins” and it was okay. I saw “Paycheck” and … eh.
So yeah. As I was saying the ideas — I am getting them back. Creative impulses…but what hasn’t accompanied those wonderful ideas — is the ambition and gump to do them. I only do one out of every 5 ideas right now. I just hope that when it gets warmer, the sun shines longer — then I will do more. I will nail 3 or even 4 out of every five ideas.