Last week was pretty rough, culminating in the roughest Friday night ever. Tim did his best to cheer me up, but it was a challenge. Even now I still feel the remnants of that crummy week, but I am going to continue with my motto of “endure.”
I know the blues is only a phase. This won’t last, and even if it feels like nothing matters because nothing is going to change…that too is part of it. Sure, I don’t believe anything with change right now, but I know logically that I won’t always think that. I don’t always think that on a day to day basis, so it would make sense to know that this isn’t going to be forever.
I don’t know why I am affected right now or why feel so antisocial, and hopeless about everything. It just happens, I guess. You can’t have good times without the bad I suppose. It’s not that things are bad either. I have had several moments in the past week where I appreciated just how nice my life is with Tim, Madison and where I am. I like the choices I have made so far, and have felt quite cozy.
I guess when it all comes down to it, I am frustrated by the things I cannot change or that don’t seem to be changing no matter how hard I work at it. They say that to persevere is the key. Keep on trucking. Don’t stop! Don’t be discouraged. Well that is easy to say if things are constantly progressing for you in some way. What happens if you try and try and try and nothing changes…at what point do you give up? I mean, I can smash my fist against the great wall of China and hope that one day I’ll break through — but on another level I need to come to terms that this might not be the best method. But the question is, at what point do I give up on that method? Because sometimes — you do have to give up something in order to find another path. You can’t take two roads at one time.
How do you know when to give up?
It’s all confusing here. I am talking about knowing when to give up, keeping on moving, enduring, etc. That is how my brain is right now.
And in other news, the end of the world is supposed to happen tomorrow. It would be kind of nice for it to happen. I feel like I have been waiting for it for my whole life. There are many times when I sit around doing something mundane and think “It could happen now, I am ready.”
But until then, and if it doesn’t happen, then my plan for the next two weeks is to just live a little life and endure.
But to show you that I just didn’t sit around enduring I did do stuff.
Friday night we walked Pluto, and went to Borders to buy a CD (I got an Acoustic Guitar Barque CD) and The Anvil of the World (I don’t think I’ve read it….), Tim got a Misty something book … I should get the name of it.
Saturday: Kennel Days at Lake Geneva where we walked dogs and took one home with us (transportation only). Man was that dog fluffy! Tim brushed him at the kennel for his bath, and I brushed him at home and there was a whole nother dog underneath! Afterward we got our vegetables, cooked, napped and then headed out for a night on the town to celebrate Brian’s birthday. We started with dinner at the an irish pub/resturant called Broache and then went to: Paul’s Club, Irish Pub, City Bar, Irish Pub, Genna’s and finally the Paradise. Tim and I both overindulged a bit, we rode bike home safely and slowely.
Sunday: I started Kingdom Hearts that my friend lent me. It’s not t00 bad so far. We napped ALOT (recovering from the week…we were both really just…tired), watched some TV (4400 and AFV), and made dinner – fajita’s, cucumber salad and rice.