Disclaimer – My friends you are all great – please don’t take offense, it really has nothing to do with you.
However, I am feeling like I would like to meet someone who was more like me. Someone who is wearing the same kind of shoes I am (maybe a different size so we don’t have to compete). If this person did exist, s/he would be busy feeling the same way. The problem is we both have a great network of interesting, smart, clever, caring friends and family – and yet everyone once in awhile….maybe this is just an element of being human? Yet, once in awhile, I feel like a teenager, in that no one “gets me.” It’s baloney of course, because Tim gets me – but sometimes I don’t always get him. Or at least don’t feel like I do. Besides, that isn’t what I mean. I mean, he’s my husband and if I was on that deserted island I wouldn’t dream of having anyone else there but him – but he isn’t me right now, and I want to meet someone like me who I can talk to.
I can’t even explain myself here. Sorry – maybe I’ll look back on this in 50 years and still feel the same. The antidote to this, it seems to me, is to become a recluse or to not be around the same people I already am and be with other friends who I don’t see all the time to get that variety back. After all, all of your friends are not like the other – and each have that vein of gold that fulfills some need/desire/interest in you. Be it, an interest in science fiction, philosophy, personality, music tastes, ideas, etc.
I am looking forward to this weekend to being with people I haven’t been with in a long time…some of them years. Well, okay the wedding of Carrie A … the last time I saw here was about 4 years ago. There are going to be some high school friends there – people that were friends with me when I had just moved to Menomonie. That’s a strange period in my life. It was right after my Mom went crazy, got out of rehab and then reestablished herself in a new town. Of course I had to go along and reestablish myself too considering I was only 16 and had no where else to go. I hated my Dad at the time and would never have dreamed of living with him. For the first two months I didn’t talk to anyone – and I relished dressing however the hell I wanted too. That was when I really started to get to know myself and figure out the person I wanted to be.
That two months was the end of 10th grade – by 11th grade I had more friends than I knew what to do with. It was thrilling and amazing to me that people wanted to talk to me, thought I was interesting, funny, clever….anyway. I am digressing ….
Hm perhaps what I am trying to put together here is that I need to get out of Dodge and rediscover that the person I want to meet who is just like me — is me.