You know what I need to do? I need to distance myself from that mess called my family again. I need to remind myself that I am not responsible for their happiness or a piggy bank for their end of the month medical emergencies (…really, learning they spent $200 a month on tobacco really stung…). I hate that they my call my younger brother James (who lives in town and won’t give them money whenever they ask for it) names like: stingy, greedy, money bags, etc.
“We asked James, but you know how he is so stingy.”
I hate having this pressure that I must always remember every single one of their birthdays, anniversaries, holidays — etc. I can’t just forget. I will get reminders from them every single letter and phone call “How come you forgot _____?” A few times I just sent a card. Well you know that isn’t enough, I should have also sent a present, a gift or money. They start looking forward to my visits a year in advance. In January they will say “You’re coming for Christmas right?”
They don’t mind losing Thanksgiving, but Christmas? Oh my god, don’t even contemplate it!
Having the constant pressure of being the only bright spot in their life blows. It’s not for me, thanks. I’m tired of being the dumping ground for all of their problems. Because that is all they ever are … problems. How sick they are. How poor they are. How depressed they are. How oppressed they are. How it isn’t fair. How everyone is out to get them. What medications they are one. Who else is sick. All the shitty things that ever happened to them.
I am not the solution. I am human and have faults too — only they don’t want to believe that anymore.